I Love You, I Need You But I Don't Like You
by Roxanne Morinaka
Summary: AU,YAOIA story of love, obsession and hate. Warning: this fic gets very dark.
1. Foster In The Family

Warning: like most of my stories this one is a little messed up. I am still trying to figure out if it should be a two part thing or a one part. It is from Tala's POV and I warn you could be a little dark. Why is it that every time I mean to write fluff this happens. Please tell me what you think.

Disc: I don't own Beyblade.

I Love You, I Need You… But I Don't Like You

My parents were so excited the day he arrived.

They had decked themselves out in their best clothes to make a good first impression (Even though they had already met him) and now they were dragging me into their madness as well.

When the doorbell rang my mother nearly jumped out of her skin. It seemed stupid. From what I'd heard the boy had acted like a right bastard when they had visited him at the care home. He hadn't even said a word to them in two whole hours. It was all I needed, a fucking mute!

Mum and Dad answered the door together leaving me alone in the front room and when they can back there he was.

My first thought was that they had lied about his age. Eleven years old had been written on the sheet, but this boy…he was beautiful in an entirely adult way. True he was short, his outfit young, maybe too young for him; but his eyes…I was supposed to be two years older than him. I had prepared myself, I was going to be the tough but worldly older brother. I would teach him all he needed to know about girls, the neighbourhood, school…but now, looking at his face all I wondered about was what he could teach me.

I could see the crowd of neighbours peeking through the window. Nosy, curious at the gift just dropped off at our house. I knew that when they got a better look they would stop and stare when he walked down the street. He was too beautiful for them not to notice. Too mysterious.

I nearly jumped in shock as I saw his lips move, when I heard his voice sound out my name. His voice breathy, deeper than I expected. A man child. They type that would grow up to be what everyone wanted male or female.

Later I would realise that I wanted him too. That I would do anything for him. That I would pay to run my hands through his two toned slate hair, too kiss those slightly chapped lips.

He was the only boy on the street to wear make-up. An absurd design of blue face paint that would only have looked good on him, his nails painted to match their colour; a blue so dark that it was almost black, chipped on his nails obscenely making his hands seem more naked than they ever could untouched.

He also smoked.

He was the enemy of every mother in the neighbourhood without ever having to utter a word. Which made him every boys personal hero…the girls he had won over in the beginning.

The way our fathers looked at him made me feel uncomfortable. They would stand together and joke that he would be a 'hansom lad' when he grew up knowing deep down that he already was and that part of them wanted him.

We all wanted him but he handled us all with such cool detachment that it felt unreasonable to hope.

Soon I would stand at the edge of the alley as he smoked just to be near him. He never spoke a word to me or even paused to acknowledge I was there.

Then one day in the bedroom we shared he turned to me. He called me over with a bored bending of a finger and sat me down before him. I could feel the heat of his hands on my knees as he held me still to stop my fidgeting.

He said my name, it felt like an age since I had heard it and only he could say it right.

I wanted to say something back. All I could was stare at him my lips suddenly dry and eyes starting to ache at my need to blink.

He gave me a smile that was almost a smile and ran a hand through my hair. There was a deliberate slowness to his actions that made me hold my breath and battle to close my eyes.

I jumped when he kissed me, so far back I fell off the bed. He smiled down at me with almost fully fledged amusement and a 'thought so' twinkle in his eye.

I scrambled back up to him in a heartbeat, praying he would do that or anything like it again. But he wore strangers eyes, any of the tenderness the moment may have had gone in an instant.

For countless hours I obsessed about what I had done wrong.

He didn't touch me again for four months.

He was angry this time waking me up at two in the morning hand firmly over my mouth so that I wouldn't scream. There was something desperate about his face. His hands were cold like he'd been outside. He was wearing a coat.

He moved his hand but before I could ask what had happened his lips were on mine. I nearly choked on my half-formed words.

He was harsh; with his lips, with his hands….but I needed it too, and so tried to bite back with equal intensity. every time I tried to match him he would pull me further back, I felt myself sinking through his layers until I hit a wall. He would allow me to go no further.

When he left for his own bed that night I felt as though he had sucked me dry. I had given him everything I had and he in turn had given me his body.

We would never speak of it. I think my silence as all the encouragement he needed. He was always cold when he came to me, always distressed. I would have killed to know what was wrong, but we never spoke a word.  
I was afraid that if I did he would get up and leave. I was afraid that he would never touch me again.

Our nights together gave me confidence. I never stopped to consider that he may have been doing those things with someone else.

I began to dress older, to smoke and gel my hair. I wanted people to want me the way they wanted him. As if that would make me worthy of his love.

And people did notice me more. I would receive lingering stares, the girls down the road would whisper my name. Until he walked past and then every set of eyes were his again, every mind and heart ready to bathe in their obsession.

Sometimes when he smoked he would let me join him and we would stand together in comfortable silence. People seeing that he allowed me near him to be worn like a badge of honour.

There were whispers of his dalliances with other men, women, with our fathers even…but I ignored them thinking that he loved me the way I loved him. That I meant more to him that the convenience of sharing a room.

Then one day I caught him.

The vulgar image will forever be imprinted in my mind. I had never seen him look so ugly as he did with his mouth around my fathers cock.

I should have given up on him right there.

I should have drawn the line and walked away, should have at least told my mother.

I told no one.

Just slipped silently away again hoping that I hadn't been seen.

He had seen me though. He was so angry. At fourteen years old I had never seen anger like that. He hit me, swore and pulled my hair, spitting insults like venom. I'd never been on the receiving end of real violence before. I didn't like it. I could practically taste his anger…practically smell his fear.

When he was done I just lay there staring at him, wondering when fighting had turned into something else. Wondering why he would never let me hold him outside of a carnal embrace.

"Your father pays me for sexual favours" he told me no shame evident in his tone, his voice shattering the oppression of our silence. "He feels really bad about it too. Sometimes he cries afterwards…But he doesn't stop. They never do."

I didn't know if I was disappointed in him or myself. Maybe I had imagined too much.

Suddenly the idea that he could ever love me seemed unbelievably silly.

But I still wanted him and although the thought of anyone else touching him made my stomach clench as if to be sick. I knew I couldn't give him up.

I found some solace in the fact that he never made me pay. I began to construct a fantasy that he never charged me because he loved me too. I gripped onto it with white knuckles.

He didn't love me. I realised it months later while I was watching him with a neighbour through the window. It was the look on his face, the exact same look he gave me when we made love. He was being paid. We were all the same to him.

It stung like the day I got too close to a wasps nest. But I carried on with him as if nothing had happened. Because I loved him, because I needed him, because I couldn't imagine life without him, couldn't imagine sex with anyone else.

I thought as long as he remained untouchable I would be fine.

It was not to be. I watched him too closely not to notice the day he noticed someone else.

He was younger than us and like nothing I ever imagined he'd like. He was shorter loud and rude.

But what was most amazing was that he ignored him. He didn't even like him.

I became angry. After all I had done, after how hard I had tried to make him love me!

He would stare at the boy as he stood outside and smoked. I stood with him growing more and more angry. The boy never looked in our direction once. I wanted to shake him, didn't he know what he could have? What most of would kill to have…and the more the boy ignored him the more interested he became.

I tired to ignore him too. But one kiss and I was his again, one sultry look or word…

It had to end. Somehow all of it had to stop. Something inside me snapped and I knew if he wouldn't be mine by choice I would have to make him mine.

Kai would be mine. 


	2. The Evidence Of Your Sin

Thank you for your reviews.

Warning, this is a pretty messed up fic. Just don't say that I didn't warn you. Please tell me what you think. It is at the moment a three parter, but if you have any ideas please review of e-mail me. The address is on my profile. Thank you.

Chapter 2 The Evidence Of Your Sin

He had been in my neighbourhood at least a year when it happened. It was odd how one day he had just shown up and moved in with the family living in number one hundred and forty-two but nobody had really questioned it then.

He was trouble straight away when I think about it. He was one of those boys that matured really young creating a huge rift in maturity between all the kids his age. The older he seemed the older they wanted to get.

I noticed him then; noticed the way he tried to ignore everyone, the way his red haired step brother Tala used to yap at his heels like a small dog. Everybody loved him then except me. Even the boys, even their fathers…

It was probably something about the way he carried himself, like he knew everything and one day he would tell us if we just took the time to listen.

He was tall for his age and slim but with a wirey muscle already beginning to show, in some ways he seemed fragile but there was always something harder in him like rocks beneath his skin.

His hair was two colours, a speculated dye job though there were never roots, it was always spiked about in a seemingly random design that probably took a long time.

I knew these things, but I never really watched him, not until that day. I was always far more interested in my toys, in my be blade, in my friends.

It was a Tuesday the day that Tala came to me, the day that changed my life.

We talked like we never really did. He was older than me and spent al his time chasing after Kai. It was no surprise then that when he talked it was about Kai. He began to walk and gestured for me to follow.

When we turned the corner I stopped following Tala and began to lead.

When my grandfather had died I had been placed in the care of my uncle, my father was a busy man with a career and my brother stayed with him.

My uncle was not a nice man but I was still shocked to see him dragging Kai into a dirt alley.

I, curious, followed.

They walked until they were out of sight of the main road and then my uncle let go. He must have been gripping Kai's arm tightly because there was a large red mark where his hand had been.

They began to argue, my uncle looked angry. Kai looked bored.

After a while Kai turned from him completely and started to pick blackberries off one of the bramble bushes poking through the fence. He squished the berries between his thumb and forefinger before throwing them away. He finally seemed to have found on he wanted to eat when my uncle grabbed his hand crushing the berry inside it and licking off the juice.

Kai did not look amused and turned to the bush for another berry.

I had no idea what was going on, or why Tala would want me to see this.

I was taken off guard when my uncle violently pushed Kai's shoulder to turn him around, grabbing a fist full of Kai's hair and kissing him hard.

What scared me more than the actions was Kai's expression. When my uncle pulled away Kai's expression remained as blank as ever.

My uncle started swearing, using word I'd never even heard then pushed Kai to his knee's one hand still gripping his hair. My uncle said something and when Kai didn't answer he slapped him hard.

Kai's arms were shaking but his face was calm when he slowly lifted his arms to my uncles belt.

I turned away and went to leave. I didn't know what was going to happen but I knew I couldn't watch. The violence of the exchange was too much. Tala forced me to stay and turned my head to watch.

Kai paused and my uncle slapped him again, so hard my teeth hurt in sympathy. Kai finally undid the jeans, his head was immediately forced forward and it looked like he was almost choking.

I wanted to run but Tala held me there.

My uncle began to rock forward in a rhythm and as he did Kai pulled something from one of his pockets.

My uncle screamed as Kai bit him, momentarily releasing his grip on his hair. Now free Kai lunged forward and pulling something from behind his back and stabbing my uncle in the neck. He lunged forward his hands finding there way to Kai's throat.

Kai's face turned various strange colours as he was strangled, until one of his kicking legs managed to hit my uncle in the balls.

Kai fell to the floor his hands on his neck coughing. When he regained his breath enough he crawled across the muddy floor and pulled out the knife sending blood spurting everywhere, he lifted it and stabbed my uncle again, this time in the side as my uncle was too bent over for him to reach anything else.

Blood was collecting in the car tracks of the alley where the puddles sat in the winter.

Neither Tala or I screamed.

My uncle fell to the floor and Kai stabbed him again this time in the chest.

He was covered in blood as he climbed over my uncle and began to search the mans pockets his hair heavy with blood, his spikes hanging and sticking to his face.

He found a wallet after a while and tried to open it, then stopping and placing it next to him on the ground.

I watched fascinated as Kai tried to flip my uncle over in a puddle of his own blood.

Tala turned and left. I knew he was hiding some where out of sight.

Kai smiled childishly and wiped his face smudging the blood across his cheek and pulling out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

It was the first time I had ever seen him smile.

He knelt up and opened the pack putting one into his mouth and taking three goes on the lighter before it would light. There was blood on his lips and on the end of the cigarette, there wasn't an inch of him that wasn't covered in it.

I closed my eyes feeling faint and when I opened them again he was looking at me.

He stood up slowly and smiled a different smile.

It took him a while to reach me and when he did he offered me a cigarette.

I took it even though I didn't smoke and leant towards him as he lit it for me.

He stood back watching me and wiped a hand on his trousers frowning when it still came away dirty.

I tired not to choke on my cigarette. He lifted his hands and pulled it from my mouth.

"You could have just told me that you didn't smoke," he frowned and I felt stupid.

He lifted his hand again this time to finger the bruise on my cheek.

"Your uncle's an arsehole."

I was surprised that he knew who I was.

Then he kissed me.

His bloody lips on mine. The taste of copper in my throat. His stained hands in my hair…

And I knew that I loved him.

I fell in love with him that moment and no matter what else I loved him every moment afterwards.

I could feel Tala's angry eyes on my back and I didn't care. Because Kai had kissed me. Because Kai had killed the uncle I hated. 


	3. Empty Vessels

Notes: Quick explanation; it begins with a flash back and then moves back into the normal story.  
Also note that this fic is set in England because the Immigration and drug laws are too strict in Japan.

Advert; I'm looking for someone to nag me so that I actually write, I have been rather distracted lately and need to get back into the swing of things.

Chapter 3 Empty Vessels

It was sad, he thought as he filled out all of the relevant forms, sad that they always involved the children.

They were in the customs detention office of Heathrow Airport, he was processing their latest residents.

The man, the boys father he supposed, would be fine. They would X-ray him and see if he was carrying any more drugs and then deport him or stick him in jail.

But the child…

The child had a British passport…but he could find no trace of any family in the country. They had checked for forgery but it had come back negative.

The poor little boy, Kai, he was not sure what they were going to do with him.

He looked at the boy again and felt his internal organs twist with guilt, as long as you worked there you never stopped pitying the kids.

Still at least he wasn't carrying they'd already had him x-rayed and things had been fine.

It worried him that the boy was so quiet. He had been sitting across from him for three hours, and in all that time he had not said a word.

It could be shock, in this line of work god knew he'd seen enough of that. But the boy seemed perfectly calm. His breathing was even, he wasn't shaking and if anything he seemed bored

Odd he was ten years old which these days seemed old enough to know at least some of what was going on…

His partner came back and handed the boy a cup of tea, he had been offered soft drinks but had declined. He was a strange child.

But that wasn't any of his business.

He'd have to call child services, see what they could do with a British passport…there was little chance they'd be sending the child back to Russia.

A real shame.

The boy was dressed in a blazer and tie, looked like he had been pulled right out of school, a kidnapping maybe…

…But the boy had insisted that the man was his father…maybe he'd been threatened…maybe he'd been bought…

The boy sipped his tea and watched him with his red eyes, it was starting to make him nervous…the lack of any normal feeling making him unknowable, making the company almost oppressive.

He called his partner and muttered a few choice words. The partner, Ben, walked over to the boy and gestured towards the door.

He watched them leave and then picked up the phone.

"Hello, Child Services?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The police talked to me and Tyson about what had happened.

I found out that Kai had told them Tyson's uncle had attached him and tried to rape him and that he had defended himself.

Everyone had gone along with this story, the bruises on Tyson's face were enough to prove that the man was no saint. And our fathers were all too scared to speak up about anything that contained Kai and sex.

I watched through the glass window as they interrogated Tyson. Every time his mouth moved I would remember the kiss that he and Kai had shared.

I wanted to break his jaw.

When it was my turn I contemplated telling them that it was Tyson, that Kai had been covering for him. I could imagine them dragging away a confused Tyson and booking him for murder.

I didn't change the story.

Tyson's uncle had slapped Kai harder than I had originally thought. When he was released from custody their was a bruise swelling half his face.

There would be a trial. Kai, a minor who had been acting in 'self defence' would probably get probation.

I contemplated going back to the police station, turning him in and telling the truth…all of it.

I didn't.

I still loved him after all.

Days passed and weeks.

Kai continued to disappear during the night, during the day. Never learning his lesson.

He had not touched me since he had killed Tyson's uncle.

From the lost and distraught look on Tyson's face I could tell that he had not touched him either.

I think we both wondered who Kai had set his sights on now, whose insides he now intended to rip out.

We could have teamed up to beat the new foe…but we would have just turned on each other. Tyson was already looking as desperate as me and as we all know to the victor go the spoils.

One nigh, so late that Kai was actually in his bed I woke him up

Even in the dopiness of waking his eyes looked cold.

"What?" he asked. It came out was a half yawn. He had a split lip. I wondered how I hadn't noticed it while I had been watching him sleep.

"Do you love Tyson?" I asked, it had not been what I meant to say, it was not a question I wanted to hear the answer to.

"Who?" he asked his eyes drooping slightly. He was usually a much lighter sleeper than this. I felt a swift cut of jealousy disembowel me when I wondered who had been keeping him up.

Then it hit me. "Tyson. You killed his uncle."

He didn't even know Tyson's name.

"Oh. No." It was short and simple and heart wrenching and emotionless.

If he did not love Tyson then what had he been after? A challenge?

"Do you love me?" I couldn't stop myself from asking it.

He smiled at me but the answer was the same. "No."

"Do you love anyone?" even now I was hoping, if he didn't live anyone then maybe I had a chance.

"No." he admitted sitting up and looking at me.

"I love you." I couldn't believe I'd said it, I wanted to tare out my own tongue.

He'd never touch me again.

"No you don't" he said, looking at me with something suspiciously like pity.

"I love you", I repeated digging my grave deeper, trying to make him understand.

"No" he said, "You can't love me. You don't even know me."

My mouth opened and closed.

"You'll get bored of me sooner or later, everybody does. You'll get bored of me and you'll understand."

"I love you…you can't know that…you don't even know what love is!" I was raising my voice. God I hoped my parents were asleep.

"Why do you love me?" he said looking at me like a maths teacher asking me to solve and equation.

"I don't know," I admitted, "I wish I didn't."

"Then don't" you say with a finality that frightens me.

"It doesn't work like that," I said and wondered how he could understand so little.

"You don't really love me." he repeats, "you don't know anything about me. Don't worry, you just think that you love me because of the sex. It was your first time and you haven't learned to separate the ideas of sex and love yet. You'll hate me soon enough and then you'll move on."

It sounded rehearsed. Like he repeated ten times a day.

"Then why don't you charge me?" I ask moving my weight to sit properly beside him. "Why? If I'm just like the rest of them."

"Because you're beautiful," he said and stroked my cheek, "Because you're perfect. Because I wanted to hurt you."

The first two complements melted into me like butter on warm toast. You thought that I was beautiful, you thought that I was perfect…you wanted to hurt me?

I didn't understand.

"Why would you want to hurt me?" I asked knowing that in that statement he got his wish.

"I don't know," he admitted his gaze never leaving mine.

I nodded like I understood, maybe part of me did.

"And Tyson?" I asked wondering if I would have to remind him again.

"I wanted him to want me." he looked down and then up at me defiantly.

"Why?" I asked genuine curiosity lacing my tone.

"Because he didn't" So very simple.

I wondered if there was something more that he wasn't telling me, something sordid and emotional, something real that I could hold on to and hate.

"You're empty" I don't know if I was asking him or telling him.

"I know." 


	4. Do You Still Love Me?

Thank you so much for the reviews.

Chapter 4 Do you still love me?

The night I confessed Kai let me hold him. I lay there arms around his waist and didn't sleep a wink. He was empty, I loved him and he was empty.

How could that be?

How could he taste of so much passion when there was nothing inside?

I lay and thought and listened to Kai breathe.

The next day Kai eyed me with warily as if at any moment I would jump at him and force my love down his throat. It scared me how little he understood of the situation, it scared me that he seemed to think love was something horrible and violent.

My parents thought that we'd had a fight.

My mother, who'd begun to hate Kai encouraged this rift. She hated all the attention we paid to him when he never even talked to her. She'd heard rumours, she told me, that he was a queer.

The more Kai tried to avoid me the closer I followed him. I could tell that it disturbed him, I wondered if he was capable of feeling fear. Then I remembered how he'd killed without even a sniffle and almost backed off. Love was stronger than fear.

He led me on a merry chase around the neighbourhood. Sometimes I thought that he enjoyed it, that he was just making it into another one of his games. I wondered if he could feel amusement.

On the third day after my confession h managed to escape me. I felt lost without him and insanely jealous. If he was not with me he could be with someone else…and even though I knew now that he couldn't love them I felt sick.

I waited in our alleyway lurking and smoking until my lungs stung in protest.

After three hours I kicked away my small pile of cigarette butts and decided to walk. It didn't take me long to find them.

They were perched on the curb, he hadn't even tried to hide it. Tyson was smiling tentatively between kisses and Kai wearing that expression he always wore. It was painfully familiar.

For a moment I was frozen in disgust.

A moan broke me out of my stupor and I ran at the them my hands swinging and out of control. I didn't stop until I drew blood. I could have cried when I realised it was Kai's.

Kai wiped his bloody lip and his eyes smirked at me. Tyson began fussing over him, confused about what was happening and before I knew it I was hitting them again. It was too much. Too much when I knew that Tyson loved him too.

Kai broke away from Tyson and grabbed my arms dragging me to the floor and pinning me under his weight. I began to sob as above me I heard him kiss Tyson goodbye. The wet sounds running through my head ten times louder than they ever actually could be.

When they had finished I heard the low shuffling of footsteps. Kai had told Tyson to leave.

My body jumped as I felt Kai's breath on my ear, "Do you love me now?" he asked smugly.

I bucked him off me slightly turning on the gravel and hearing my shirt rip. We were face to face my hands gripped his collar tight around his neck all I could think was this is how you kill.

His eyes were hard and unforgiving it was like he was daring me. "Yes." I answered pulling him forward into a harsh kiss, his blood bitter and sweet in my mouth.

He kissed me back with equal fervour, I wondered if this was what he wanted. If this kind of treatment was all he understood. It excited me. He bit me and I loved it, my blood mixing with his in a now messy kiss.

I wanted to hurt him too.

"What does it feel like?" he asked me later.

"What?" My head was still reeling from the taste of his blood.

"Love. What is it like?"

He should have been more ashamed of having to ask something like that.

"Everything. Like you're the only thing in the world. I want to own you consume you…I want to tare you to pieces just to be the one that gets to put your back together."

"And that's love?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

Sorry that it is short but I promise the next chapter won't be too long. 


	5. Who Are You?

Thank you for all the reviews you make all this worth while.

Note. The first part of this is set in the past, the second is from Tyson's POV.

Chapter 5 Who Are You?

The house was run down to the point of falling apart. The men didn't have to be quiet because they knew anyone who would stop then were already dead.

One man coughed and crunched a broken window under his heavy black work mans boots. They would get what they came for and never come back to this disgusting place again.

They spotted what they wanted through the window tying wet handkerchiefs around their mouths to filter out the stench of death. What they wanted was inside, what they had been sent to collect.

The room was colder than outside and even with the handkerchiefs they were overwhelmed with the stench. One man shivered and nearly stripped on some shredded cloth and used needles by the door.

"You grab the kid and I'll look around and see if there are any more." the man a the front ordered gesturing towards the centre of the room where the bodies were.

"You go." the fat man ordered the short one not wanting to get any closer to the mess.

The short one grumbled but did as he was told. Trying not to stumble in the filth of bodies and worse coating the floor. There was a loud angry squeak as he trod on a rat, he cursed and turned to the fat one a promise for revenge fresh in his eyes.

At first he thought that the child was dead. It wasn't really moving, it's eyes were open and there were rats nibbling on it's hand and legs. He was about to call it and turn around when he saw the child blink.

Shooing away the rats the short one knelt down. "Come on kid lets go." he ordered not bothering to hide his distain.

The child didn't move.

"I know you're alive so come on." he growled pulling on the child's limp arm.

The child just stared back up at him with a corpses red eyes.

"I think it's dead" called the fat one helpfully.

"No I saw him blink. The little shit is alive."

"Then just grab him and lets go, this place stinks."

The short one gripped the boy harder this time lifting his body slightly and gripping at the boys waist. That was when he noticed how such a frail boy had a managed enough strength to still resist him. The boys hand was locked with the hand of another corpse. He dropped the boy and turned to the corpse in the chair. "This your mum?" he asked smiling.

"What's taking so long?" called the fat one shuffling from foot to foot.

"They are all tangled, grab me a bone saw we'll just cut the hand off and take it along with the child, we can sort it out later."

The fat one made a face and left the house going to the truck and pulling out what they needed.

The short one waited what felt like an eternity until the fat one make his way over the bone saw in his out stretched hand.

"Don't worry kid, you may be leaving your mother but a part of her will always be with you." quipped the shot one laughing at his own joke as he began to saw off the dead ladies hand.

It was slightly unnerving the way the child watched him, not saying anything, not making any move to stop him.

With a sickening crunch the child was free and being whisked into the short one's arms. "hey fatty help me with this kid!" he shouted, though the child was light and obviously had not eaten in a while.

Once they had managed to get the kid into the van they were rejoined by the rest of their group. "No more." they all reported.

"Clean that one up real nice if we can make enough on him then today won't have been a complete waste." the leader called from the front.

Using water bottles and handkerchiefs they began to wipe the child down.

"You seen this kids crazy hair?" asked the fat one. "It's two colours."

"And red eyes." the short one added. "Rare. We could probably make quite a bit.

I watched them kiss and…I don't know. I wasn't sure how I should feel. One minute Kai had been kissing me the next he was rolling around on the pavement with Tala. How was I supposed to feel?

We'd never actually said that there would be no one else…

Kai had never kissed me like that. It seemed violent and vital at the same time…I wanted it but at the same time…it looked painful and…was that what he wanted. Would I ever be able to give him that.

They paused and talked and started again. I was afraid that they would have sex right there. Sex. Was that what Kai wanted? I wasn't ready to give him that but Tala seemed like he'd given it a thousand times. How could I compete with that?

Normally when there was a challenge I would rise to it. Normally…but this felt different and I felt like I was being suspended somewhere above them where all I could do was watch. Normally I hated being betrayed…but was I even being betrayed because Kai had made no promises.

Like that first day when he had kissed me Kai had always dictated and lead the way in our 'relationship'. Even today when he had just found me and we had begun to kiss. He'd never said a word to me just pulled me down to the curb and begun.

He had looked over his shoulder every few minutes, was Tala what he had been waiting for? Or was he just worried that he would be caught kissing a boy in public.

His kisses with me were sweet but insistent. Never violent.

Tala was pulling his hair so hard that there was blood coming from his scalp. It only made Kai kiss him harder. I didn't want any part of something like that. My love wasn't like that. Did that mean I didn't stand a chance?

Kai looked right at me and then closed his eyes again. He didn't look ashamed and he never closed his eyes when we kissed. I turned around and left.

He'd find me when he wanted me. He'd find me when he had made a decision or even when he hadn't. I should have been angry…I should have but my heart was still soaring from our last kiss

…I was his. It was too much to hope that he would be mine as well. 


	6. Post Orgasmic Chill

Thank you for the reviews, really without them I would find this allot harder.

Note; this chapter is from Tala's point of view. If there is anything that you have questions about please tell me so that I may address it in the next chapter. The title of this chapter is 'borrowed' from the cover of Skunk Anansie's third and final album.

Chapter 6 Post Orgasmic Chill

I think that when you love someone, I mean really love someone, you want to possess them.

You want to live their lives for them, make all their mistakes, insulate them so that they don't get hurt.

You want to walk in their clothes and shoes and greet the people they know; because if you can control them and their actions with other people they can't hurt you.

I think that when you love someone, really love them, you want to be the only one that hurts them. Because the deeper you can hurt them the more it means they love you.

I think that being in love means loving them with everything you are, loving then so hard that you hate them. Loving them so much that it comes full circle.

I hate Kai..

I hate Kai so much that at times my brain beats so hard it smashes against my skull until the back of my eye lids bleed.

I hate him so much that every cell in my body hums.

That is just a fraction of how much I love him. My love haemorrhages inside me until I feel it bleeding out of my ears.

I love him so much that every time he smiles I want to kill him.

I love him so much that I'm going to fix him. I'm going to make him understand love and hate and the thousands of emotions he seems to missing in between. I'm going to make him feel. I'm going to make him feel so that I can make him cry.

Because maybe he needs to understand what he does to people. Maybe he needs to understand why Tyson stares up at our bedroom window into late at night freezing his arse off just hoping to get a glimpse of him. Maybe he needs to understand why mum and dad now sleep in separate rooms…why all my mum does is cry…because she knows somewhere along the line she lost every part of her husband that she truly loved and he memories no longer fulfil her need.

Maybe he needs to understand was so quick to believe his story, why the postman delivers more than twice a day or why when it was found out he hated dogs all of the neighbourhood dogs suddenly disappeared.

Maybe he needs to understand how much he is hurting me.

Maybe it's time he understood the power of love and obsession, not just the concepts but the truths as living beings ready to tare us all apart.

He already understands the power of sex, it's power he's held over us from the beginning. A power that someone his age should not have had.

He had been with us for two years. Two years and really he is just as much of a mystery as he was on day one.

No one knew what had happened to his parents, what had happened to him, or even where he had come from.

When he had first arrived mum had said "Give it time, hell tell us when he's ready." she had said "His file says that he was so traumatised that they couldn't get much out of him."

But he hadn't seemed too traumatised when he had arrived. He seemed to know just what he was doing.

Later mum had changed her story "There's nothing to know," she'd said, "He's a robot, not a child at all" then she'd added, "He has the eyes of a hardened criminal."

She'd aged in the last two years, the lines on her face no longer just from laughter. She had the face of a woman who'd seen her husband light the fuse and was waiting for the explosion.

My mother and father barely talked anymore and when they did it was never below a certain decibel. She hugged me twice a day and sometimes apologised when there was no one in the room.

She never laughed.

"Mum do you still love dad?" I'd asked her one morning, because it had just been us and I was talking for the sound of it, for the distraction. It helped, I don't think with of us wanted to contemplate the reason that both Kai and dad were late, especially now dad had his own room.

"I don't hate him," she answered busying herself with work that wasn't there.

"You don't?" I'd asked genuinely surprised.

"I'm too old to hate him." she was standing straight backed before the cooker. "I'm too old for anything that would take so much time and effort."

"Then you don't hate Kai?"

Her face soured and I knew that I shouldn't have mentioned his name.

"That boy is like air. There isn't enough to him to hate him. No not air poison…a disease that we invited to infect our family."

I wanted to defend him. But as much as I loved him…I knew that it was true. Kai destroyed everything he touched. We were like moths. He touched us, kissed us and we turned to dust on his lips.

I should've felt guilty as I sat there with all her sympathy and sad smiles, I know that now. But I couldn't have been honest. How could I? She was my mother I couldn't tell her that deep down I'd already chosen Kai over her, maybe a thousand times over.

How could I tell her what she might have already known? That her husband probably felt the same way.

"I love you mum" I'd told her and it hadn't been a lie.

"you're young." she said smiling like there were weights attached to her cheeks. "You do what you can."

"Dad loves you too." I tried consciously crossing a line.

I watched shocked as her hand moved to slap me then hung suspended in the air above my face, "Don't." she managed to spit out. "I'm sorry but don't. you can eat in the living room. I don't think that the other two are coming."

I nodded and picked up my cereal.

By the time I had reached the other room she had started and no matter how high I turned up the TV I could still here her choked sobs.

I loved Kai but how could he not notice what he was doing?

Maybe he did. Maybe he knew exactly how much he was hurting us. Maybe he didn't care. 


	7. Fire Of My Loins'

Thank you once again for the reviews. It's good to know that some people actually read this.

Note; This Chapter is from the point of view of Tala's father. The title refers to his reference to Lolita. I have also laced a few Lolita quotes inside. The point of this chapter is to basically introduce Tala's father as a character. Sorry if it seems rushed.

Chapter 8 …Fire Of My Loins…

In college we read a book called Lolita. It was from the point of view of Humbert Hunbert. The overly romanticised but still oddly lovable paedophile. The book made me uncomfortable; it made any normal person uncomfortable. It was about a man lusting after a child, a girl of twelve…or thirteen, I forget which. The point was that back then I was normal…back then I could never image loving a child.

'Light of my life…'

It started out with the best of intentions. My wife had been damaged during the birth of our only child. We had always wanted a large family. We waited a while in hopes that by some miracle my wife would get pregnant again even though we were told it was not possible, we hoped that this would be like one of those TV movies…it never happened.

'…Fire of my loins…'

I am not sure how we settled on fostering. I know that at one point we were dead set on adoption…opinions change I guess. I left most of these decisions to my wife, after all she would be the one that ended up doing most of the work.

'…My sin…'

We waited for a long time before we were allowed the chance to finally foster a child. There are security checks and waiting lists after all. We Didn't mind, it gave us a chance to get ready. And when the time came we finally thought we were.

'…My soul…'

I don't know if it hit me when I first saw him or later. Either way he was an uncommonly beautiful child. My wife's heart was melted when she read about him, picked up in the airport with a drug runner, things like that…my eyes never left him long enough to read the reports. We excepted him straight away.

'Lolita'

Within a week of his arrival things had changed, it was like he took one look at me and knew. So while the others smiled and fussed I tired to ignore him and whenever it started to get to me, whenever I started to feel something like the beginnings of lust I would pull out my old copy of Lolita and I would remember my disgust.

It took him three weeks to seduce me. Like a drug pusher each time he would take it a little further until I was addicted, then it was time to pay.

It started his third day at dinner. He would stare at me until he had my attention then as I watching slowly pick up his fork from his plate a push a piece of sausage past those heavenly lips.

I had never been attracted to men in my life let alone a boy. I was shocked at my reaction.

The seventh day he seemed to be on a banana rich diet. Every time I saw he was pulling in and out of his mouth, using his teeth to scrape away the surface and then sucking on the gooey ends working his way further and further down…never biting, never breaking the top. I would have broken down right then and there if my own son hadn't begun to copy him, it disturbed me enough to snap me out of my daze.

Because of his situation he hadn't arrived with many clothes. By the tenth day he had decided that the best solution to that problem was to wear as little as possible.

I couldn't understand why he wanted my attention. I didn't know then that he was starting a little business, that he was leading on everyone not just me…

Most of the things he did were quite subtle. I was almost a hundred percent sure that my wife had not noticed a thing and for that I was glad, it meant that no matter what I was thinking things could go on as normal.

The day I broke down was the day I caught him with another man.

'ladies and gentleman of the jury I wasn't even her first lover..'

It was David Grainger, the man who lived down the street and looked after a child about Kai's age. I should have been furious, I should have run down there broken things up and called the police. I should have but I didn't, those thoughts didn't even cross my mind until later. All I could think was that I wasn't the first, that if I gave in I wouldn't be the one that ruined him…it was all I needed to wash away the guilt. At least for a while.

Afterwards he offered me a cigarette and I cried.

I felt scared, angry and paranoid. I thought that everybody knew. I couldn't look my wife or son in the face. I couldn't even be in the same room as Kai.

Eventually I got over it. I think that you can tell what kind of a man you are by how long it takes you to get over these things. A good man would never get over it. I was going to hell. I knew that and still I went back to him.

We were alone in the house, my wife having taken Tala to see her mother. He asked me for twenty pounds and I took him on the kitchen table. We ate there late that day and acted as if nothing had happened.

Because of our living arrangements I didn't get the same amount of time the other men did, I had to make my time count. Often things would be reduced to a quick fumble in the bathroom when I had gone to brush my teeth, I never showered alone if I could help it.

Kai had turned his body into quite the franchise. Some times when I walked him and Tala to school I would try to count just how many of the neighbourhood fathers couldn't quite meet my eyes. I prayed to god that they would not touch Tala as well. Sometimes the walk felt dangerous like I was leading meat past ravenous wolves.

I think that we were all shocked when Kai killed David. Like the monsters we were we worried more about the police investigation than we were about what we had done to Kai.

I was so paranoid that we would get caught I even wrote out my confession. I don't know how Kai found out but the threat in his eyes was very clear. He said that he would handle it all and he did. How could the cops resist?

We backed off after that. All the neighbourhood men deciding to cut their losses…cold turkey is not the best way to quit, I swear my hands were shaking.

I had grown quite good at living my two lives, I hid my copy of Lolita on top of my wardrobe, burned my confession and tried not to think about it.  
Everything would have been fine if I hadn't made that one grievous error. I have never seen anything as cold as my wife's eyes the night I called out his name.

We never told Tala why we were fighting so much, we never explained why suddenly I had moved into another room but I think he knew. I think that he had known all along. What shocked me was that he never seemed angry at Kai about it.

I was about ready to cut my losses. Unbelievably my wife had disappointed me when she hadn't reported me to the police, I had always thought that she was more moral than that, instead she let us get on with it. She still cooked us meals.

With my own room I finally had the time I felt I needed with Kai. He would be there sometimes late at night, sometimes early in the morning. He would never spend the night

"Do you love your wife?" he asked me one day as I rolled off him spent.

"Yes." I answered wondering if it was even true anymore.

"How?"

"I am very fond of her company and…" I didn't know.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"More than anything."

"More than your wife?"

"Yes. I would do anything for you."

"Anything?" he asked rolling over and sitting above me.

"Anything."

"Good." 


	8. Chips in the Paintwork, Cracks in the Ce...

Thank you for the reviews, I know that I say the same thing every time but I mean it every time as well. The fist part is in flashback.

Chapter 9 Chips in the Paintwork, Cracks in the Ceiling

They were packed into the lorry with no space to breathe, one after the other, barley clothed as the snow laden wind beat at their frail bodies.

They had been feed twice in three days, scraps really, but enough to keep them alive. Most of them anyway.

Most of the boys were crying. Gaggles of them screaming as they were crammed in.

The ill boys were screaming as they were taken away to be shot. One bad apple could spoil the barrel and no one would pay for dead boys. The medical schools had already bought too many cadavers.

The leader frowned as he noticed the lack of space. He didn't want to leave any boy behind who could make him money and he could afford to waste time on a round trip. He looked over what was left. Ten boys all of them under seven. Five of them could travel with his men, five would have to rot.

"Pick the five prettiest and they can ride with us in the van." he ordered.

Three men walked over to the boys. One was fat, one was short and one had a large scar on his face. They inspected each boy carefully like they were checking the ripeness of tomatoes.

"The brunette with blue eyes, the blonde, the brunette with brown eyes, the green eyes kid and the kid with the freaky red eyes." said the fat one after a minute.

The other to nodded and took the other five off to be shot.

"You five get to ride with us." smiled the fat man, "But your gonna love that you little sluts, we've got some fun games we're gonna play with you and then it's off to market you go."

"Get those kids packed up so we can make a move!" shouted the captain from the front of the van.

The fat one nodded and packed the kids in the back. He could barley conceal his glee.

Today for the first time my father hit me.

At six my family had sat down to dinner. The windows in the dining room faced west casting us all golden and stretching the shadows between. We were awkward, an ugly mockery of a family. Our fake smiles strained almost to the point of grimaces.

My mother broke her silence. She danced noisily into the room with our plates, I hadn't seen her look so happy in months. She was wearing a new sun dress, she was wearing too much make-up, she only brought out three dinners. None of us knew what to say. She lay the three dinners down, one in front of her, one in front of me and one in front of my father. She watched Kai as she did it, smiling harder and making her thick foundation crack around her eyes and mouth.

My worry doubled when Kai smiled back, and unlike her it was almost radiant, almost blinding in the sunlight. I had never imagined that he could smile like that…my thoughts were broken my the feel of his socked foot in my lap. I jumped and nearly knocked my dinner from the table.

The hairs rose on the back of my neck as he rubbed his foot up and down my crotch. Embarrassed I looked up, sure that the whole family knew what was happening…no one was looking. Not even Kai. I studied them all intently. Then I noticed. Kai was eating, my father had given Kai his dinner. It was so obvious, I didn't have to look under the table to see where Kai's other foot was.

Discretely I pushed his other foot out of my lap and began to eat. He kicked me but I refused to look up; I didn't want to see the heartbroken look on my mothers face, or the guilty look on my fathers. I didn't want to see any of them ever again.

When I had finished my dinner I stood and left the table not even waiting for desert. I was confused and angry, angry at Kai, angry at myself…but most of all I was angry at my father. How long did they put you away for patricide?

I didn't realise Kai had followed me until I felt his hand on my shoulder. I knew it was him before I even turned around, I always knew it was him. I turned and grabbed him my hands at his throat.

"You bastard!" I screamed, "You fucking whore!"

He was smiling that smile again. I squeezed harder.

"This is just a game to you! A fucking game!" I continued. I wanted to kill him, I really wanted to kill him. What made me angrier was that he didn't look frightened. "Is this what you want?" I asked shaking him and banging his head on the wall. "Is it?"

He just looked at me. I knew he couldn't answer, not with the grip I had on his throat. I could feel my anger dancing all the way up my arms to my fingertips, I could almost feel what it would be to kill him, the power…this was how you kill…

I hadn't even heard my father come up behind me, which is odd because when I think back on it he may have been shouting. He hit me so hard that I nearly choked on one of my teeth, I could feel a trail of blood as it dripped from my mouth to the floor. I wanted to vomit.

I say Kai's feet step towards my father and closed my eyes. They would kiss now, they would make plans and run away together. Years later they would look back on this and they would laugh at me. In my head he would do everything but what he did.

When I opened my eyes my father was lying beside me. He looked as shocked as I was. Kai stood above both of us, his eyes as cold as precious stones he was holding a slightly bloody phone.

"Get up Tala." he ordered.

I shook my head to clear it and managed to make it no further than my knee's.

"Come on get up," he called grabbing my arm roughly and pulling me to my feet.

I rocked dangerously but stayed upright. "What the fuck was that?" I muttered still dazed. Kai's neck was red with bloody nail marks, I reached out with shaky fingers and smudged blood past his collar bone.

"You scratched it as you fell" he explained. "You were trying to kill me."

I nodded. I had been trying to kill him there was no use in denying it.

"Do you still love me?" he asked his voice empty and curious all at once, the sound of it made my head swim.

"Yes." I was staring at him now, so intently I was amazed I could speak.

"Is that why you tried to kill me?" he asked moving closer, his breath blowing across my overly sensitive skin reminding me of the bruises I would have later. I poked my tongue through the gap in my teeth.

"Yes." it was the truth. I loved him so much that I could kill him, I would kill him.

"Is what love is?"

I wondered why my father wasn't getting up. "I was angry at you. I am angry at you. Please tell me that you didn't kill him."

He laughed a little. "No. look at is chest he's still breathing. I think I knocked him out."

"Why? He saved your life."

"Maybe that's why…maybe it was because he hit you. Who can really say?"

"You can."

"It doesn't matter now, it's over, it's in the past."

His voice was throaty and sounded painful. It was somehow sexy to know I had damaged his throat. I eyes him as he rubbed his neck, my gut suddenly welling up with lust.

His gaze matched mine in intensity and suddenly he was against the wall again my mouth on his. We were ferocious, he sucked at the blood in my mouth like a vampire, I licked at his neck wounds and blew on them afterwards watching him shiver. He wanted it, the blood, the pain.

Eyes glaring into the back of my head alerted me that my father had woken up. He sat there and watched like the loser in a prize fight. I hoped he realised now that Kai was mine, that I wouldn't have to pay for this embrace…not with money anyway. I hoped it would scare him away for good…

Then I stopped thinking and suddenly we were in my room. Like wild animals on heat…

Later that night I woke to see that he had moved back to his own bed. He lay perfectly peaceful, and even though I could see his wounds and feel mine it was as if nothing had happened.

I could hear my mum crying in the other room and as if to echo it I joined her, sobbing into my pillow so hard that each cry caught in my throat and choked me. Kai's voice stood out in the chaos of my brain 'Do you still love me?' it asked. I cried even harder because I did.

'Do you still love me?'

'Yes.' 


	9. Mother Knows Best

I am really pleased that so many of you are enjoying this fic, it has been fun to write as well. It was originally meant to be quite short but I got a little carried away, it will go on for a while longer because I still have some ideas. I hope that you don't mind.

This chapter is not that long, or that good (I blame the fact that I am ill) but I will update again really soon. It is the first part of a two three part chapter arc. Please be patient, I am sorry if you hate it. Tyson's POV.

Chapter 9 Mother Knows Best

I don't remember the feel of a mothers touch. My mother died when I was very young and my father never re-married. To be honest I barely remember the feel of a fathers touch: my father spends a lot of time away and most the details about him get fuzzy. I have a brother, but like my father he is always away.

First I stayed with my uncle and then, after Kai killed him, my aunt moved in. She promised that my father would come home and stay…I was still waiting.

My aunt was a nice woman. She was cheerful and affectionate her attention never felt dangerous, never felt like a burden. Sometimes I pretended that her gentle touches: her quick hugs or gentle hair ruffles, came from my mother. Sometimes I pretended that she was my mother, I had always wanted one.

She took me on weekly shopping trips and sprang for movies, I could tell that she felt guilty, I could tell that when the scandal about her brother had come out she was not shocked. I could tell that she had known about his violent temper, she had known and she hadn't helped.

I didn't care about that. I was just so glad that I had someone there, some one to care.

She was so sweet and fun that all of the neighbourhood kids liked her, well, all but Kai. She would stare at him whenever he passed. She was curious about he boy who killed her brother, it was natural. But Kai didn't seem to understand that so he glared at her and ignored her overtures of friendship and forgiveness.

Months went by and she became the most popular woman in the neighbourhood. I was so proud, all of the mothers would talk to her at first just pleasantries, then later secrets. I knew that they talked about Kai. I would listen at the door and wait to hear his name.

The mothers hated him. He was breaking them apart with their husbands, with their sons…the only mother that didn't come over to seek confidence was Tala's mum. I hoped that it was out of loyalty, that she thought of Kai was her son.

My hopes were dashed the day she turned up on our doorstep in tears.

I listened at the door as she told my aunt. Her husband had moved into his own room and practically moved Kai into it with him, that her husband and Tala competed for the affections of an affectionless child…that last night her son had tried to kill Kai and that her husband had beat her son to stop him. She cried that Kai had stolen her family, screamed it.

My aunt watched and listened her face cold. I grew scared. What would happen to Kai? What would they do? My aunt was obviously taking this woman's side, this evil woman who should have just kept her mouth shut.

I ran across the road to find Kai. He was like my mother now, I loved her that much…but I would sell her out in a second for him. She loved me true, but had she killed for me?

I found Kai sitting on his doorstep smoking. It was obvious that he knew what was happening but the way he was watching my house.

"They are talking about me?" he asked his voice more forceful than usual.

"Your mum…Tala's mum…yes they are." I stuttered back. His presence to me had always been suffocating.

"What will they do?" he put out his cigarette and patted the step beside him.

"I don't know. They all come to her, all the mothers." I sat down beside him, hoping that he would turn and touch me, kiss me. He filled me with confidence, he could deal with this, he could deal with anything.

"They want to hurt me." he raised his hand to my face then dropped it, "Especially your aunt. She hates me, she's been asking too many questions."

"She…" I wanted to defend her, "She's a bitch."

He nodded. "Do you love me?"

"Yes." I choked out.

He nodded again. "People have been saying that to me allot lately. How much do you love me?"

"I would do anything…"

He leaned over and kissed me. It was a long kiss, intense but not violent, he even closed his eyes.

"Wow." was all I could say when he was done.

"Can you do me a favour?" he asked.

"Anything."

"Deal with this little problem for me."

"How?"

He leant over and whispered the answer in my ear.

"What about Tala's mum?" I asked.

"Leave her to me."

I looked at him for a long time. I think that he could read the doubt on my face because he kissed me again.

"You said that you would do anything."

I nodded and walked slowly back to my house. I was dazed, scared…I wondered if I would ever see Kai again. 


	10. The Joys Of Having Children

Thank you for the reviews, originally I was supposed to post this part quicker but well illness wise I got worse before I got better and for a long while I wasn't even conscious.

The beginning is a flash back. It is a little bitty and I am a bit worried about it. Sorry if it is crap,

Chapter 10 The Joys Of Having Children

"How much for the boy?"

"An extra fifty."

"That is some pretty boy you've got there, what is his name?"

"Call him what you like. I just call him boy."

"Some mother you are."

"Do I tell you how to raise you children? If I was a better mother then you wouldn't have any fun now would you?"

"How did you know I had kids?"

"They all do. Do you want me to stay and watch or should I leave?"

"Leave."

She got up and left not even waving goodbye to her son. The little boy blinked his large red eyes at the stranger.

"You can call me daddy."

All I had ever wanted was a family.

Since I was a little girl all I could dream about was having lots of children.

My back up plan was to become a nursery teacher. I figured that if I couldn't have children I could at least teach them. I even got a teaching degree…but by the time I had completed it I had met my husband and we had planned a family all of our own.

I felt really lucky that I had met a man who felt the same way I did, we would stay up late at night talking about how we would have five or even six children…

When I became pregnant with Tala I couldn't stop smiling. I smiled for nine months straight, even through the morning sickness. I was determined that I would be the best mother in the world. Much better than my angry drunk of a mother.

But life isn't fair.

When I was little, really little, my father would read me fairy tales. We would curl up on my bed while my mum was passed out somewhere in the living room and he would read me all of the classics: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow white…they all married Prince Charming. Once I asked my father if they all married the same man, he had laughed and said 'yes'. When I had asked why he had looked at the door and whispered 'Because love based on looks doesn't last and that is all love at first sight is.' I told him that that wasn't fair and he answered 'Life isn't fair.' and closed his books.

He left us a month later. I still saw him from time to time, he would smile and ruffle my hair, he would ask me how nursery was or school, but he wasn't my father anymore. He wasn't my father anymore and it wasn't fair…life wasn't fair.

I don't want Tala to lose his father.

After Tala was born the doctor told me that I couldn't have anymore children. That if I did I would die. I cried for months and became very depressed. My husband helped me through that, he pointed out that we still had one child and we could still adopt.

My husband was a wonderful man.

Over the years adopting turned to fostering. I don't know how it happened, I only knew that I wanted to help some poor child without parents. I wanted to have my large family, I wanted life to be fair.

It took a long time for us to get permission. Strange that anyone can just get pregnant and have a child but if you want to foster you have to fill in 214 forms (I counted) and suffer months of screening.

And what did we get after all of that? We got Kai.

When they told us about him my heart broke. Smuggled into the country by someone arrested for holding. No family and nowhere to go. The child had barely spoken since they had saved him and the social workers thought that he may have suffered severe psychological damage. I thought that I could heal him.

They told me that they believed he had been smuggled in as some part of an eastern European prostitution ring. My heart was captured by the tragedy of his story. Maybe if I had thought about it rationally I would have taken another child, maybe if I had just looked into those dead eyes, maybe if I had noticed the way my husband was looking at him even then…

Does it make me a monster that I don't like him? That I didn't like him even then? I just wanted to help the most tragic case, go for the most extreme situation. I wanted to be the best mother in the world and I didn't even think about how Tala would react.

I wish that Tala had hated him. Maybe he did at first…maybe he still does I have seen them fighting. I have seen them kissing. No mother wants to see her son kiss anyone like that.

He took them from me: my husband, my son. Stole them right from under my nose and never said a word to me. He has been with us for years and he has barely even acknowledged me.

I was becoming more and more frustrated…angry…hurt…I needed to talk to someone.

The mothers of the neighbourhood shunned me. I had brought a plague upon their families, ruined them and their lives. Kai had crawled and eaten out all of our insides, made us all hollow.

And then she came. She was new, she was untouched, she had no about the parasite that was infecting us. They all broke down eventually each mother of the neighbourhood visited her. I think that she needed to hear it. She needed to know why the street stunk of tension, why ever wife acted like a widow. She needed a reason why her brother had died, a good reason that made him less of a villain. It was only natural that I visit her too…

We talked for hours. She told me what the others had said. She told me that maybe it was best to call social services and let them sort it out. She told me that Kai should be taken somewhere he could get help, professional help.

I ate it all up and I agreed.

When I got home he was waiting for me at the kitchen table and I knew that he knew.

"Did you have a nice chat?" he asked and it was the most he had ever said to me.

"Yes, thank you." I took a seat.

"And you got it all out of your system?"

I was too shocked to answer.

"Good." he continued. "I will give you ten percent of my profits if you keep your mouth shut from now on."

"You think that will make this alright?"

"Twenty and I will give you your husband back."

"Give him back? He loves you."

"No. he just loves the fact that I am not you. Men are like that, sometimes they just want something that is not their wives."

"Maybe I don't want him back."

"I wouldn't blame you. But I meant that I would stop fucking him, what happened between the two of you afterwards would be up to you."

"And if I talked?"

"You would look as bad as he would. Your have known about this for months and said nothing. In the eyes of the law you are just as guilty as he is."

"And you?"

"Am a poor child being used as a plaything."

"You've killed someone."

"And I have already been tried for that."

"Why are you even offering me a deal then? If you have this all figured out."

"I want to keep things simple and clean."

"Clean?"

"What is your answer?"

"Why do you hate me? I only wanted to be your mother…I wanted to help you."

"I don't need any help. Not from you."

"Did you have a mother? Before they brought you here."

"My mother is dead."

"Was she nice?"

"She was dead."

"When she was alive."

"She was dead."

"And your father? Was he dead too?"

"Do you accept the deal or not."

He was talking like an adult. He gaze was cold, his language clipped, if my eyes were closed and his voice was deeper I would think that he was sixty. No child should sound so tired.

"Twenty percent and you don't touch my husband again."

He nodded and for a moment he was just a child. I could tell that the questions about his parents had unsettled him. For a moment he was just the little boy who needed my help.

"I will give you your payment every Friday."

"What about Miss Grainger?" I was curious to know if he would kill again.

"I have already dealt with that."

"And Tala?"

"What about him?"

"I want you to drop him as a client as well."

"Tala isn't my client he has never paid me a penny."

"Then what…?" he was gone before I finished. I had made a deal with the devil. A devil who seemed to be having an affair with my son.

At least he would dump my husband. I hoped that it would make him suffer.

Tomorrow I would make Kai dinner. But not my husband.

Because life wasn't fair, but at least this way I could keep my son. 


	11. The Absence Of His Voice

I am so sorry that this is even worse than usual. Thank you for the reviews and sorry. It is very short but I will update again really soon. The first part has no POV, the second is Kai's mum and third again has no POV (just a tiny bit of Kai/Tala to get you to the next chapter.)

Chapter 11 The Absence of His Voice

He sat on the stairs.

"What are you going to do?"

She jumped.

"Tyson I didn't see you there."

"What are you going to do?" S

he had never heard his voice so flat.

"What do you mean?"

"About Kai."

"Were you listening in?"

She climbed up the stairs towards him.

"Yes." He lied, in truth he hadn't had to listen.

"Listen." She had reached him now and put a comforting hand on his leg. "Your friend Kai is a very messed up kid…"

"Messed up how?"

"He is performing sexual acts with adults for money."

"Who are you going to tell?"

"In the morning I am going to call social services."

"And what will they do?"

"They will put Kai somewhere he can get help."

"They will take him away." It was a statement not a question.

"Yes…but Tyson it is for his own good, what he is doing it's not healthy…he's hurting himself and everyone around him."

"He's not hurting me." Another lie, but a necessary one.

"I'm sorry Tyson."

"No I'm sorry. I really liked you." Tyson apologised standing up.

"What?"

"I'm sorry…but it had to be done. You were going to take him away…"

"Tyson what have you done?" She was starting to sound panicked.

Tyson slowly lifted his shirt revealing his bruised and bloody stomach. "I tried to stop you, I tried to scream for help. When you were getting a knife I called child line and they called social services and the police. I was cut off before I heard more because you started beating me with the phone."

"What?"

"I am so sorry."

"Why?…Tyson I don't understand."

"You should have just let it go. With all those women coming to you…did you think that he didn't know."

"They won't believe you."

"While the neighbour was round I ran out of the house and went across the road for help. They called the social services as well."

"Even with an emergency the police station is thirty minutes away."

"You can't have…why?"

"I love Kai. If it means that I have to do this to keep him out of trouble then I will do it." It was like he was reading from a script, his voice was stripped of all emotion.

"His mother…"

"He told me he would take care of that. You should have just…I don't know…I loved you, you were like my mother."

"Tyson?" She asked her eyes tearing as she looked at the boy she had come to love like a son.

Tyson cried as well, as he smeared his blood on her hands and clothes: he cried because she was just letting him do it, he cried because he wasn't really sure what he had done, he cried because he would probably never see Kai again. He had said he would do anything.

She cried because her heart was broken and she didn't understand why. She had only been trying to do the right thing. And even if they couldn't make these charges stick they would no longer let Tyson stay with her. She had never hated anyone the way she hated Kai in that moment.

Sometimes I watched Kai and I wondered how he slept at nights. He seemed like the type who should have constant nightmares, the echoes of his conscience trying to reach him while he was weak. But he wasn't. when he slept he slept like the dead. (I checked, I even asked Tala.)

After the Tyson incident I thought that he would at least show an ounce of regret, just some small sign that underneath it all he was just a hurt child scared of being caught doing something bad, scared that they would find out and take him away.

Now that we had an understanding it felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. As much as I hate him it is still nice to know that he is not my enemy. After this whole affair anyone who thought of him as an enemy has backed off, nobody will be challenging him anytime soon. I make him sound like a mafia boss.

I feel bad about what happened with Miss Grainger. I really do. But I could never stick my neck out for her like she was planning to do for me, everyone has a price and mine was met…I can't explain it.

My husband has been cut off from Kai for two days, already he is going mad. Worse still because now he has to make his own meals and do his own washing up. I will make him pay.

I feel better than I have in a long time. Is that bad?

My only real concern now is Tala. Kai may not be the enemy right now but that does not mean that I want him messing around with my son. With all of his clients I don't understand why he even has to go near my son.

I think that Tala may be in love with Kai.

"Tala what's the difference between lust and love?" asked Kai rolling over and dropping the front of his book onto the mattress."

"When you lust after something you have to have it: you take it, possess it, play with it and when you are done you throw it away. When you love something you are never done with it, you never tire of it, when you love something you love it forever."

"So lust doesn't last?"

"No."

"Oh." 


	12. Dreams of Damage

Thank you so much for the reviews, no review is too long or short; I like to think of them as money and is nice to know so many people are buying my book.

This chapter may get a little messed up. I'm sorry…I'm just so sorry. And sorry that it is once again short…I am hoping to update again on Friday night and hopefully that will clean things up a little.

Chapter 12 Dreams of Damage

The dirty metal container shook and rocked from side to side. Most of the boys inside had been sick at least once. They had been there for hours now, some were even managing to drift off to sleep.

The red eyed boy couldn't sleep. He couldn't even sit comfortably thanks to the rough guards. But it wasn't just his discomfort that kept him awake, it was the noise. The sounds of children screaming, shouting for their parents or crying. It was worse than nights at the whore house and for a moment he almost missed it and the corpse that he had left…only for a moment.

They had pulled them out of the trucks and onto a boat he no longer recognized any if the other children; three of the four he had travelled with had not survived the rough groping and beating, they were young and fragile, they were better off dead.

He couldn't stand the other children's whining. Didn't they understand that nobody would come to help them, were they stupid?

A shuffling next to him and a stream of words that he didn't understand caught his attention.

It must have been a boy, they all were, but the long tangled hair and oddly round face said differently. He didn't understand the language the other boy was speaking…it didn't matter he didn't plan on speaking to the boy anyway.

The ship rocked heavily to the side and he heard the sounds of more puking. The long haired boy looked up at him and smiled.

I had a dream about Kai last night.

You know that TV is wrong. In all of their little sitcoms they sell the idea that if you love someone you dream about them every night…they are so wrong. I had never had a dream about Kai until last night.

They say that if you are thinking about something before you go to bed you dream about it. That is a lie too. I know that because I think about Kai every night, I watch him as he lye's in his bed, I watch his empty bed when he is running around with the neighbours. All I think about is Kai and I never had a dream about him until last night.

Maybe it is the atmosphere in the house. My father is a wreck now and my mother is all buddy buddy with Kai. It is like a role reversal…only she's not having sex with Kai…I hope…I really hope.

In my dream I was covered in dead foetuses: they slid about me their tiny mouths open and breathing, blowing small bubbles in afterbirth and blood. I was trying to stand up but I kept on slipping over and over again killing another baby every time.

I the background I could hear my mother screaming. 'You're killing my babies' she screamed, 'You're killing my babies!'

I couldn't tell if I was crying or laughing because in this dream they felt the same.

My father wore a crown of dries thorns his head and cried blood. He refused to answer when I called him for help. He didn't even look at me.

When Kai came all of the screams stopped. He ripped the babies off me crushing their tiny heads in his fists and letting their tiny brains drip off of his fingers. I should have been happy that they were gone…but it felt like my heart had been ripped out.

He slapped my hysterical mother and kicked my father off the thrown taking it for himself. Oddly when he did this my mother ran towards him and started whispering in his ear.

I sat on the floor and watched him, his face was so pale and brighter than the sun. my mother laughed and he just stared sitting in his bloody thrown atop a pile of corpses.

He just stared and he didn't care.

I don't know if it was a nightmare or not. I didn't wake up in a cold sweat, there was no dread in the pit of my stomach if anything I just felt strangely empty.

I felt strange for the rest of the day. It made me moody. I even shouted at my mum, she had glared at me but said nothing he attention had been distracted by the entrance of my dejected father.

It was like I was living in the back ground of my own life. No one has time to pay attention to me anymore they are all too caught up in their little vendetta's.

I don't know how long the tension in the house will last. I am so worried that someone will crack.

"What have you done to my mother?" I asked Kai that night as I watched him change.

"What do you mean?" he asked his voice as empty as ever.

"She's not acting like herself."

"Then who is she acting like?"

"Someone meaner, someone colder…she is acting more like someone like you."

"I didn't realise that you started this conversation to insult me."

"Don't act like I've hurt your feelings, you don't have any. You have done something to my mother…and what did you do to Tyson and his aunt?"

"Your mother is acting the same as she always did, it's you who is acting different."

"Like you?"

"You are acting like your father."

I could have killed him. But why, did I really dislike my father that much? And why when I was around Kai did I always think of murder.

"Kai why don't you charge me?"

"Go to bed Tala." 


	13. Everyday Hurts A Little More

Sorry that this was later than I said it would be. I have no real excuse except that time moves a lot faster than I sometimes give it credit for.

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS

This is a little fucked up too, i apologise.

In the second to last sentence of the last chapter Kai is saying 'charge.'

The main part is from Tala's dad's POV the part before that…well same as usual…

Chapter 13 Everyday Hurts a Little More

The tall man stood on the brig and watched them unload their precious cargo. Sixty boys; all under ten and all exotic in some way. His eyes scanned the crowd caught red. He smiled the blue haired boy was walking with a long haired Chinese boy, they were the pick of the lot really. They could take their education together.

Kai has cut me off.

It has been weeks…weeks since he has let me touch him…weeks…he won't even speak to me…

I pace about the house and watch him…watch him but god he won't let me touch him…

I can't think...

I can't breathe…

I have offered him twenty times the usual amount he just shakes his head. I swear that bitch is laughing at me. All of them behind my back: my bitch wife, my bastard son (Who's fucking him, I know he's fucking him), even that little whore Kai…all laughing at me behind my back. And they think I don't know! Hah!

I see the way Kai watches me out of the corner of his eye: that little smirk on his lips. God I hate him. God I love him. That little slow and lazy smirk. God I want him.

I don't understand: he is a whore why won't he take my money? He takes everyone else's.

"I'm sorry I can no longer except you as a customer." he says as if it was all business. All our time together all business. Then why won't he take my money?

I sold my conscience for that boy, I gave up everything: my wife: my family; everything. And for what? He did this to me. He made me want him and then…god I hate him.

My night's are spent in my room alone now. My wife no longer cooks for me, or even speaks to me: Tala avoids me with that look on his face, his face hasn't changed since I hit him. He always looks like he's just been slapped. I betrayed my son for him! I betrayed everyone; all for him, always for him. God I love him.

I didn't know love could feel like this; like maggots under my skin eating away at me until I am nothing. I can practically hear his voice in my head edging me on to disaster.

"He'll never touch you again." my wife laughed counting a small pile of money. "Never. Look at you…just look at you. You're pathetic."

Bitch.

I watch him around corners: sitting on the sofa with my son, them kissing and ripping at each other like wild animals, he flicks an eye to the doorway where I stand then closes his eyes. He knows I watch him. I don't think he cares.

Tease.

God I want him.

I stalk him now; follow him at night watch in alleys as he seduces men, as he sucks licks and plays with them, returning always to my son afterwards and never charging him.

Why doesn't he charge him?

Maybe to punish me.

I wonder what he does with all the money. He doesn't seem to spend it, he has no gadgets or designer clothing, and he gives no presents. Maybe he is saving up to escape. I would never let that happen.

If he is saving money why doesn't he charge Tala?

Maybe to tease me.

He walks in circles. I watch him for days, months. He gives money to my wife once a week. The slut is in on the deal. The days and hours and minutes are piling up…it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. I know that it can't be much longer; that soon I will have to have him; with or without permission. And still he torments me with his smirk…

Another week and I am ready. We are alone in the house. Tala has a dentist appointment, both he and my wife are gone. Kai is alone in his room.

I sneak into his room, it is easy because of the loud stereo, I creep up behind him. God I am going to make him pay. He doesn't see me before I pounce pinning him to the mattress beneath me putting all my weight onto his back. "You're mine," I whisper and mean it. God I need him.

"Get the fuck..!" he starts, so I place my hand over his mouth.

"Ssssshhh! Its ok I love you. I need you. It's ok."

He tries to struggle; but he is young and weak compared; I have always kept myself in good shape.

It is hard to keep him still as I remove his trousers, like surfing I have to keep moving my weight to balance. In the end I have to hit him, a good hard knock to the back of the head to keep him occupied, I feel the jolt as his face bangs forward into my hand.

"Ssshhh I love you," I whisper. Because I do and that is why I have to have him.

There is no time for lubricant and really if I move I think he will escape and so I enter dry. My head swims at the sensations and I am home, it is like I had never left his body, like he had never forced me into my drought. I move my hand from his mouth and push his face into the pillow I need to balance, to push myself into him harder; deeper. He has stopped struggling now anyway. Stopped moving, I wonder if he is even still conscious. But I can't check, not until I finish.

I'm as close to heaven as any mortal can be. There is blood on the back of his head.

When I am finished I loosen my grip and pull out. He doesn't move and suddenly I am afraid that he went too far, that he is dead, that I suffocated him, that I hit him too hard…then he coughs and his legs twitch. It takes him a while to turn back towards me, his eyes groggy and unfocused. He is so beautiful and before I know it I am hard again and taking pleasure in that delicious mouth.

I sate myself over an over, wondering what could be taking the other so long and celebrating my luck. Sometimes he is awake and sometimes he isn't, sometimes I have to hit him again and sometimes he lies there passive and watches me. His eyes the colour of my lust. He is bleeding at his hair line.

When I am finished for good I light a cigarette and bask in my perfect moment. God I love him; no one else can give me satisfaction like this.  
I pull my trousers up and get ready to go remembering to pull my wallet out and throw is payment beside his still form.

"How about tomorrow night?" I ask hoping that this makes us even, that all of his teasing will end and that things will be as they were.

"No."

His voice was so raw and rattled that I barely recognised it, still I nearly choked when I realised what he had said.

"What?" I asked genuinely shocked.

"Your…your wife…your wife and I have an agreement." he coughed out distracting me with some white at the corner of his lips.

"My wife? My wife is to blame for this?"

He just looks at me.

God I hate him.

"How much is my wife paying you?"

He laughs and nearly chokes on the effort.

"And if she is no longer in the picture."

"Then…so is the deal." his voice is getting stronger but it is obvious he needs a drink.

Maybe just one more time. I undo my zip and stop as I hear the car pull up in the drive.

"I love you." I whisper and leave. "I'll come again."

God I love him. 


	14. Blame

Hello. Thank you for the reviews.

Warning: this one has allot of swearing for some reason.

Chapter 14 Blame

Things had been getting easier with Kai recently; not by much but enough to make me hope. I don't know what it was, maybe it was his eyes. They look different now like something hard inside them had cracked, warmed. Maybe he was just more relaxed. We'd sit together when he wasn't working; we'd watch TV and grope.

Other things were starting to work out too. My mum was less wound up about Kai; I could tell that she didn't approve of us but at least she said nothing about it, just pursed her lips and squinted her eyes.

Sometimes I could close my eyes and it was like everything was normal; that Kai wasn't a whore, that maybe he loved me back, that he had never slept with my father.

My father. My father had been the only one ruining things. Since Kai had cut him off he had become even more obsessed. It was starting to get scary; I would walk down the hallway with Kai and feel his eyes peeking at us through the crack in his door. Kai won't say anything but I know that my father has been sending him letters as well; I've seen the envelopes left on his pillow. It makes me so happy that Kai doesn't even read them just throws them straight in the bin.

Kai hasn't touched my father since the day my father hit me. I like to think that he is defending me and punishing my father for what he has done. With Tyson gone and my father out of the picture I have room to breathe, I could forget his faceless customers and he could be all mine.

Then there was today. Today something's changed. Today everything's changed.

I could feel it the moment my mum and I returned home. I had been out at a dentist appointment (My dentist was always late and this time kept me waiting over and hour) and a bit of shopping that my mum thought might as well be done while we were out of the house.

I noticed that it was creepily quiet the moment we were through the door, when I had left Kai had been deafening the whole house with his music. I threw the shopping bags onto the kitchen counter and began to creep upstairs. I don't know what is about complete silence but it makes you want to tiptoe, it makes you want to whisper. I could have sworn I saw my fathers eyes watching me from his room, I could have sworn I heard his door slam. The very air felt foreboding.

With a weird burst of courage I wasn't sure I needed I flung open our bedroom door. What I saw there shocked me to the core.

Kai was a mess. He sat on the edge of my bed his shirt ripped, his jeans around his knees. His hair was wet with sweat and blood, it stuck to his forehead and he crouched over the bin vomiting.

"Kai?" I asked frightened. The tension in the air was pushing me into the floor like gravity.

He looked up. He had blood on his forehead and dried at the corner of his mouth. He had a large bruise above his left eye and large oddly swollen lips. But out of all of those things it was his eyes that scared me the most. His cold, dead, inhuman, dispassionate eyes. They were like a photograph, a twisted memory of the way they had been when we first met. Everything that had happened, all of the progress that I had thought we made…gone. They were so flat that the light didn't even reflect in his irises.

I was breathing sulphur. My heart was lead in my chest. Everything…just…hurt.

What had happened? What could have happened in just four hours? My eyes fell to the creamy expanse of his thigh, to the place where his impossibly pale skin touched the messy sheets. Blood. Blood; on the bed beneath him, blood; on the mattress.

I stepped forward and he just watched me, he made no move to straighten his appearance, he didn't even flinch.

When I got closer to the bed I reached out my hand…I wanted to touch him. I wanted to see if this was real. He turned and puked again.

"Who did this?" I asked amazing myself by forming words; "What happened?"

He finished puking and picked up a bottle of water. He used it to rinse out his mouth and spit out the remains. Finding no answers in his face I looked into the bin. Kai's vomit was yellow mixed with blood and white…cum? Kai had been vomiting blood and cum? I felt the bile rise in my throat, it burned like acid.

"Kai who did this you have to tell me!"

That was when I saw the money. He had taken money for this? He had let someone into our house, into our bedroom, into my bed and let them fuck him up this bad all or a couple of hundred quid?

My pity turned to anger.

"You could have used your own fucking bed!"

He coughed and turned those now horrible red eyes on me.

"You don't give a fuck do you? Not about me, not about yourself…" I ranted.

"Fuck you."

His voice was so damaged and low that I barley heard.

"That's all you have to say?" I asked after a shocked moment. "Fuck you? FUCK YOU! YOU BROUGHT SOMEONE INTO OUR ROOM! INTO OUR BED! AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS FUCK YOU!"

"Shut the fuck up I have a headache." his voice was a little louder this time.

"YOUR HEAD HURTS? MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE HURTS THANKS TO YOU!"

"I said shut the fuck up!" he tried to shout his voice failing.

I punched him; he fell back like a dead leaf.

"No. You let them do this shit to you then you live with it. You probably liked it anyway. You're fucked up like that." I spat feeling oddly calm.

He was weak so his first punch didn't hurt that much. I don't know how he had managed the weak jump that had knocked me to the floor, as weak as he looked. The second punch didn't hurt that much either…or the third…but he was getting stronger in his anger and he just kept punching me saying "Fuck you!" over and over like a mantra.

Even with the extra adrenaline he couldn't have lasted long in his state, he collapsed off me in exhaustion and rolled onto the floor.

"I hate you." I managed when rolling a tooth in my mouth and spitting it at him.

"Fuck you…"

"Just don't sell it in our bedroom, why the hell did you have to sell it in our bedroom?"

"Fuck you." weaker this time.

"Please just don't let them do this again. Look at you. We need to get you to a doctor…your eyes…your eyes look funny."

"And my ass hurts."

"Yeah? Well my face hurts did you have to hit me so hard?"

He didn't answer.

"Arsehole. Promise me; promise me that you won't let them do this again."

"You think I let them do this? Don't you remember what I did to the last person who tried something like this" I could tell that he really needed a doctor then Kai was never this talkative.

"Tyson's uncle." I remembered, sometimes I still had nightmares.

"Kai…you're bleeding allot. I think we should call an ambulance."

"No. They'll call the police."

"I don't care."

Silence.

"Kai?"

Silence.

And just when I thought he was unconscious…

"I don't charge you because I want to fuck you. I like to fuck you."

Then he passed out. It was the sweetest thing he had ever said to me.

Mum screamed when she found us. 


	15. Dr Green At Number 112

Hey. Thank you all once again for teh reviews.

This chapter is from te POV of a new chapter, i am sorry if it is not that good, i needed a reason for no hospital involvementand a way to push the story further. The mum really is turning into a bitch.

Note; about my spelling and grammar. Although I am positive that this and my other chapters are rife with spelling and grammar mistakes i would also like to point out that I am English and therefore use English spelling and grammar which is different from it's Amercian counterpart.

thank you all again and sorry this took so long, i am having a few computer problems.

Chapter 15 Dr Green at Number 112

It was nearly six when I got the call from 108. Her voice was raspy but still recognised it; she said that there was something wrong with Kai and Tala. It was my shame that made me go.

The door was open when I arrived and she was nowhere in sight. I guessed that she was with the boys and from the emptiness that met me downstairs they could only be upstairs.

The house was like something out of a gothic story full of darkness and unrest, the creaking sounds of the stairs…even the eyes watching me from a far off bedroom. I knew where Kai's room was. Everybody knew where Kai's room was.

When I opened the door I was shocked. The situation was worse than I had originally imagined. Both boys looked a mess. But it wasn't only the sight that got to me; the room stank. A horrible mixture of sex, sweat and vomit.

The woman who had sounded so panicked on the phone now looks down on the mess with eerie detachment. I wondered how she had known to call me.

"I'm glad that you could make it. Kai said that you were the person to call."

"Why didn't you call an ambulance?" I asked. She was their mother after and should react more violently to their unconscious state.

"Surely if Kai said to call you, you know enough about this situation to know that the ambulance means the police and the police mean something that this family is not ready for."

I nodded and shut my mouth. I had heard rumours that she was on the payroll and now there were no doubts. Not that I was anymore innocent, I had gotten my hands pretty dirty in this whole business long before the call.

I knelt and checked Tala over. He had a broken nose but nothing else seemed too damaged. I told his mother to grab ice or anything close to bring down the swelling as I tried to reset it. I tried not to look at Kai.

As I held the frozen peas to Tala's newly bandaged nose I had to ask, "So what happened?"

She did not answer.

"I need to know what happened so that I know what to treat."

"I don't know what happened. We got back from the dentist and Tala went upstairs, I made dinner and then went to call them only to find this."

"How long did you wait to call me?"

"Only minutes. Kai was awake and asked me to call you. He said that you would no what to do."

I nodded. "Tala's fine. His nose will be a little wonky but he will be ok. Bruised but ok."

"What about Kai?"

I knelt over the other boy and tried to ignore my nausea. He looked terrible, even worse when overlapped with the image of how he used to be. Crouched over him I could only remember the more pleasurable moments spent in this position. Afternoon and evening trysts spent in the dying sunlight. He looked much younger beaten and unconscious. He looked like what he was; a child.

One eye was swollen shut, his head was bleeding and I worried that he may have a concussion. When I forced open his eyes the pupils were overly dilated. His wrist was sprained and one shoulder was dislocated, his knuckles were sore probably from punching the other boy. There were nail marks and bruises over the exposed part of his chest his trousers were round his shins and from the blood…

It was obvious that the boy had been raped.

"Was he alone in the house while you were out?"

"No my husband was home as well. He has been working from home recently."

Her husband. It was obvious that Tala had not raped Kai, from the extent of his injuries time framed and so forth…someone had obviously taken their time on this.

"Was there anybody else at home?"

"No."

"I think that you should call the police."

"That is not an option."

"You don't have a choice. Kai has obviously been beaten pretty badly and penetrated anally without his consent. You should have your husband arrested."

"Kai's hardly an innocent Dr Green as you I am sure well know. If we call the police then it will be all of our heads, even you. He would do anything to stay out of trouble. Anything; even provide client lists and say that we made him do it. Just patch him up and let me deal with my husband."

"You want this behaviour to go unpunished?"

"You're one of Kai's clients aren't you? Is what you do to him really that different? In the eyes of the law it's all rape weither you pay him or not."

"What kind of a mother are you?"

"Don't pull that crap with me. You were called here to patch Kai up. Just do it."

Tala woke up soon after our argument and his mother fussed over him as mothers should it was unnerving the way he sat and watched me work.

After about ten minutes Kai began to stir. Squirming his naked hips in attempts to wake himself up, I was disgusted by my own reaction and tried to keep it hidden as I continued my job. Tala's eyes burned into me as I tried to hide my shame, I was only human after all and even battered Kai looked…

I wish that I could say finding him like that had changed things. That knowing what he had been out through at the hands of his foster father had made me pause in my lust. That knowing what a cold hard women his foster mother was becoming made me want to help him.

How can I explain to you how even his bruised skin felt soft? How I tell you that even though I see naked body's everyday the sight of just his naked calves left me stiffer than a post? Is there any way to made you see that whenever he was around my lust was more important than anything else? Even more important than warning people what to me had been painfully psychologically obvious from the start?

Later I would look back on the day that I stopped this all from ending with regret. I could have made that women call the ambulance and had all of us, even me, brought to justice. I could have saved him, them, all of us…

I could have saved that gothic house from falling down. Could have forced us all to come to terms with the idiocy of thinking that it could ever be alright to do those things to a child. Even if he had initiated it, even if we had paid him.

But I wasn't psychic. How the hell could I have seen what was going to happen next. And if I could would I really stop it when it could have meant a few more go's with him?

I can't answer that. That scares me. But I am only human. 


	16. Attachment and Loss

Thank you for the reviews, I know that I always say that but it doesn't mean I mean it any less. Also there are no stupid questions; I have cleared up the questions relating to what kind of doctor Dr Green is in this chapter.

Note: Hello. this chapter is from the POV of Tala's mother (Except the bit at the beginning of course.)

PS, Strangers In Paradise is By Terry Moore and the quote is partial guess work as my memory is sketchy.

Chapter 16 Attachment and Loss

The lessons sometimes lasted hours; hands on skin, tongues, and mouths.  
Boys too young to cum anything but clear liquid forcing it out of each other over and over again.

The crowding around the monitors; watching tapes and commenting on each other performances without quite knowing what the act was about. There was no room for modesty, or pride.

Out of all the students it was the red eyed student and the long haired Chinese boy that excelled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tala had been upset when I left him to sleep of his fatigue upstairs, I'd given him half a sleeping pill to try and avoid his questions and accusations about my knowledge of the event. Tala was a smart boy, but he was stupid when it came to Kai and I was hoping that we could use that to shield him from the truth.

When Kai had asked me to call Dr Green I was shocked he was the areas GP (General Practitioner) and although he wasn't the family's doctor he had popped in to check up on Tala many times when he was ill. I had been numb to what the people of my street had been doing for a while but knowing that Dr Green was part of it filled me with more disgust than I ever remember feeling before.

Tala was fine. When I had found them I had panicked, no mother wants to find her child in that condition and when Kai spoke to give me orders I could have killed him. I didn't know what had happened but I knew that it must be Kai's fault.

But it wasn't Kai's fault it was my husbands. The fact that the man I had married…but it was Kai that hit Tala. We got bits and pieces of the story off Kai as we worked. Kai was suffering from a concussion; I had wondered why he was so talkative.

After a while Kai and Dr Green had disappeared downstairs probably intimidated by the scrutiny with which I watched them. I left them alone for a while; in Kai's condition there was not much they could do anyway and I doubted that my husband would attack Kai while someone was with him.

When I finally came downstairs Kai was sat at the kitchen table uncomfortably obviously trying not to rest all of his weight on his sore behind. I felt sorry for him really; although we had never really gotten on in anything other than a business sense he was still a child; sometimes I forgot what a young child he was, younger than my Tala even.

I made some hot chocolate and placed it in front of Kai and took the seat across from him. He looked tired; like a seventy year old stuck in a thirteen year olds body, a seventy year old that had just seen and done too much to ever truly rest. What have we done to this child? I felt like screaming; but was it all really our fault? After all any problems that Kai had he brought with him. He'd brought prostitution into my house along with manipulation and lies. We had been happy before him, hadn't we? I couldn't remember anymore; maybe I was afraid to.

"What did the doctor say?" I asked to fill the silence.

"That maybe I should go to a hospital and that I shouldn't sleep for a while because of the concussion. He'll be back in the morning to check me again."

"What did you and the doctor talk about?" I asked knowing that the real examination had taken place upstairs.

"Revenge," was his simple answer.

"Will you kill my husband then? Like you did the Grainger man?" maybe I was afraid of his answer.

"No. I don't think any of us want the police involved."

"Then he won't be punished?" now I knew that I was disappointed.

"I didn't say that either. He will get a kind of warning. He has to learn that what he did can't happen again. I was careless that I let it happen once."

He blamed himself. I had to admit that it shocked me. I knew that in allot of ways he was an abused child but I was never aware of his abused child mentality. It seemed wrong on him. I had always imagined him stronger than that.

There I go again forgetting that he is a child…

"It wasn't your fault. He's a fully grown man how could you stop him?" I couldn't believe that I was trying to comfort him.

"I stopped Grainger." His voice was bitter.

"You killed him. You didn't want to kill my husband."

"I didn't have the chance; he snuck up behind me. I was careless. I should have remembered that he was still in the house and that he was a threat. I won't be so stupid twice."

"You're a kid! And anyway why would you think it a lapse in your judgement, you couldn't possibly know what he was going to do."

"I should have guessed."

I couldn't argue with him there would have been no point.

"Then get one of your clients to do something. They would do anything for you it's like having an entire army at your command."

"No, this started because one of them decided that he was in love with me. I won't lead one of them on like that as well. At the moment the rest of them aren't so careless."

Love. That was what it all came down to, love. My husband didn't love me anymore he loved a young boy. He loved him so much he raped him and beat him. I'm glad that he didn't love me like that I don't think I would have survived.

Were they all in love with him that way then? Already one had tried to rape him and another had succeeded. Was that the only type of love Kai inspired? An insane angry obsessive violent kind of love? This is embarrassing to admit but before this all started I was a bit of a romantic. Me and my friend Judy would go out of our way to find romantic novels, films and even and this is where it gets even more embarrassing…comics. I know a grown woman etc etc etc…what's worse is the most romantic comic I ever read was Strangers In Paradise a comic about two women in love. Speaking to Kai had one quote circling in my head;

'I think that what it all comes down to us love. I've seen what happens with it, I've seen what happens without it. I know what the consequences are.'

And which was it? Was it too much love that was getting to Kai? Or none? Everyone claimed to love him but did they? Did they really? And what about him did he love anybody? Was he even capable? His smiles were so empty that they made me uncomfortable.

"Kai what was your mother like?"

"You've asked me this before."

"And you said dead."

"And she was. Even when she was alive she was dead."

"How did she die?"

"She had me. She had me and it killed her."

"She died in childbirth?"

"She died at conception."

"I don't…"

"My father raped her. She hated me."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I don't care about the opinions of a corpse." the words should have sounded bitter; but there was not enough emotion even for that.

"Did you love her?"

"I wouldn't know how. My head hurts."

"I know, but you just had some pain killers so I can't give you more."

"Does it scare you? The things your husband did, they weren't the actions of a sane man."

"No I…"

"Aren't you worried about yourself or Tala?"

"He was only after…"

"Me. I broke our deal didn't I?"

"You didn't choose to, it's ok."

"If he can't have me again he might go after Tala."

"Why? He's his son."

"He's pretty and not that much older than me."

"He would never do that to Tala."

"Really? You saw him hit Tala the other week."

"Yes but…what can I do?"

"You told the doctor that you would handle your husband."

And I had hadn't I, I had said that. But what could I do?…no Kai was right what if he came after Tala? Could I live with myself if that happened? Images of the state of Kai's body when he was examined flashed through my mind.

"I know you'll do the right thing, the way you look after Tala…it's nothing like the way my mum was with me. You would protect your son to the end rather than sell him to the highest bidder."

Kai was right I had to do something. I gathered his mug and sent him into the living room (he still wasn't allowed to sleep). I had to stop my husband, but I couldn't kill him…I couldn't kill anyone.

As he left the room Kai smiled at me. It looked so wrong and only strengthened my resolve. I would show Kai what a real mother would do. 


	17. Walking On Broken Glass

Thank you for the reviews.

Note: Sorry that this is a little late but, well I live in central London and if you have been watching the news you will see that it has been a hell of a week.

Nothing much really happens in this chapter but the next up date will be really soon, and well done to the one who guessed who the 'Chinese boy' was. The chapter is from Tala's POV and just sets up next chapters show down between the parents.

And now for a shameless advert; if you enjoy this fiction please try one of my other ones. Thank you.

Chapter 17 Walking On Broken Glass

The training was long and hard and mostly due to language differences they didn't talk. But the red eyed boy and the long haired Chinese boy always managed to stay close together at all times. they partnered when a partner was needed, they slept close to each other in the large warehouse used as barracks and when they could get hold of any food they shared it.

Then one day the training introduced a new element; English. They were told that they would all need a common language and were split up into three groups; the English group; the French group and the Spanish group.

From his time there already the red eyed boy had come to the conclusion that they were all going to be shipped off to different parts of the world. When he and the Chinese boy were chosen for the English group he tried to make a map of where they could go in his head. It didn't work well as he was not even sure what country he had come from.

But the English was handy for one thing. It meant that they could all finally communicate. There were fifteen boys in each group. The way the groups were split up was seemingly random. Each group was then split up into three groups of five and sent to their own instructor.

The red eyed boy was amazed that the Chinese boy was in his group of five; he had been sure that they would be split up because of the way they had been hanging on to each other.

Learning a new language from scratch without any proper assistance was a long and hard endeavour that their captors had managed to speed up considerably by introducing the element of extreme violence.

Both the red eyed boy and the Chinese boy found it difficult learning a language full of sounds that didn't even exist in their native tongues. The Chinese boy was lucky; in their group was another Chinese boy who had already much of the language. The red eyed boy wasn't so lucky; he could only watch sadly as the two boys talked. He tried his hardest to pick up English so that he might be able to talk to someone…or at least finish his training early and do whatever it was they were being trained to do.

They all worked hard until one day the language didn't sound as incomprehensible and they were starting to recognise what each other were saying.

Then when they were all getting quite good the Chinese boy finally approached the red eyed boy for a conversation. By then they hadn't even sat together in weeks the Chinese boy spending all his time with his new friend.

"Me am…I am Rei. You are very pretty. What is your name please?"

At first the red eyed boy was going to walk away but the words had stopped him in his tracks.

"I don't have a name." he answered truthfully. "And I'm not pretty."

The Chinese boy smiled.

When I woke this morning my head felt like it had been hit with a ton of bricks. Just how hard had Kai hit me anyway? Or was it the sleeping pills that mum have me?

The house felt weird. After a night like last night I had thought that it would at least be raining outside.

It took me a while to get my bearings but in the end the call of breakfast was too strong. Kai's bed was empty so that was the only place he could be.

I was still confused about what had happened last night. When I had first come across Kai's broken form I had thought that it had been rape, the way his clothes had been ripped the semen in his vomit had all indicated that at least…but then there was the money. The money had made me rethink the whole thing; it did seem that Kai would do anything for money, especially anything sexual…

But by the way Kai had hit him when he had suggested the idea that Kai had just had a rough session with one of his 'client's mad me even more confused. Maybe I was just right the first time…but who could have gotten into our house and caught Kai unawares?

Then my mum had called me and I was hit by just how hungry I was (we had skipped dinner yesterday.)

It an odd the sight that met me as I entered the dining room. Mum had a nervous smile on her face and was flitting about giving Kai food and hot drinks and acting just overly nice…Kai just looked…well he could never look horrible but this was as close as he could ever get. It was very obvious that he had not slept at all last night and even though I had been drugged I still felt a pang of guilt for my eight hours.

"Tala darling sit down and eat your breakfast you don't want it to get cold." my mum admonished doing what seemed like a bad impression of a perky TV mum.

I took my seat and tried not to stare at Kai who was sat across from me eating slowly and painfully; his mouth was still swollen and split slightly at one side as if something to large had been forced into it. I shuddered.

"Eat up!" my mum ordered her eyes drifting out of the open door and towards the staircase. "And when you are done take Kai with you upstairs and lock the door."

I looked at Kai curiously but his eyes never left his still quite full plate.

"What's going on mum?" I asked knowing that it might be my only chance for an answer.

"I just need to have a private word with your father, and you know how distracted he gets with Kai around." I could tell that what she was saying was partially the truth and so I didn't push it. I suddenly had this feeling that I didn't want to know.

"I'm done." 

The sound of his voice for the first time since last night shocked me; it was exactly the same tone of voice he had used to tell me he liked fucking me last night. I felt a little dizzy and no longer that hungry.

"Let's go then." I said standing up and glancing at my mother.

She nodded and ushered us in the direction or the stairs. "Stay up there no matter what and don't leave until I come and get you."

Kai walked back and whispered something into my mum's ear. She nodded.

I heard thumping at the top of the stairs and saw my father. He greeted me but his eyes never left Kai. Even as we passed him I could feel his eyes on our backs and saw Kai flinch slightly as my dad brushed past him and suddenly I just knew.

It had been my father. My father had been in the house alone with Kai all that time. My father had held him down and raped him then thrown money at him afterwards. It felt like my stomach acid was leaking into all of my other internal organs. I wanted turn around, run back downstairs and just rip him to pieces with my bare hands.

I didn't. My mum wanted to meet with him alone and as worried as I was about her I knew that she must have something planned to be that confident. God I hoped she killed him. 


	18. Too Much Love Will Kill You

Thank you to everyone who expressed their concerns about my well being. I was lucky. I did travel on the tube that morning but it was a different line and I was off a full fifteen minutes before the first explosion. We were trapped first in the building where I was temping and then in just in the city. Scarily I was on the first working bus and managed to get a landline train home. We were all scared shitless.

Thank you for reviewing.

Note: this is from the fathers POV. I'm sorry if it is a little disjointed. Just take it as his state of mind and not my reaction to an annoying heat wave.

Chapter 18 Too Much Love Will Kill You

I loved my wife. I know it may not seem like it but I really did. When we first met I was besotted.

Later I realised that there are different types of love and that not all of them can stand the test of time. Maybe if she had spent less time caring about having more children…

At first I was worried about how she would take it…is there any good way to say 'I'm sorry honey but I guess I don't love you any more' probably not. But the bitchier she acted the less I cared; until in the end I was quite happy to flaunt it.

She grew angrier every day and I didn't care because I had a new love. One that should have lasted forever.

Then he stopped letting me touch him. I understood that he didn't love me; I had to pay just like everybody else after all. But how could he just take all of that away? No addict should have to go cold turkey like that. No whore should be able to pick and choose. And he was a whore; just because I loved him didn't mean I was oblivious.

So I came and I took it. I took what I needed from him because what is one more fuck to a whore and because my body loved him just as much as my heart. I may have been rough but it was always about love. ALWAYS.

When I was done it was like I had claimed him; he was covered in so many marks all from me; all of them parts of my signature; a testament of my love and ownership. An open declaration of my refusal to give him up.

And how could he complain? I still paid him after all.

He didn't say much to me as I took him. But afterwards he said just enough. He told me who had broken us apart and forced me into my brief but painful celibacy. It had been HER. My bitch of a wife had the gall to ask this boon of him.

I was disgusted; of him; of her. How could she ruin the one piece of happiness I'd had in years? God knows the frigid bitch had given me none recently. And how could he listen to her? Why would he listen to her?

Then it dawned on me. It was so obvious. He'd told me so that I could something about it; so that I could do something about her. And when I did we could be together again.

I sat in my room and planned and dreamed and waited. I was seething when they called in that pervert Dr Green. I knew that he could tell in a minute what had happened and if he so chose he could call the police. A basic semen sample could prove who did it.

I worried and waited. But the doctor left and the police never came.

Kai was downstairs with her all night. I was tempted to run down there and get rid of her; Kai and I could make love in the puddle of her blood…

I waited all night. I heard Tala wake up and go downstairs. I wondered what had happened to his face. I heard them eating and finally I heard the sounds of chairs scraping as Tala and Kai, at my wife's insistence, began to come back upstairs.

I made my move. I needed to see my wife alone and get answers.

I made sure to rub my body against Kai's as we passed on the stairs.

She was standing at the oven dressed almost like a fifties housewife. I had always been annoyed by how homely she had become after Tala was born. Sex with her had become luke warm; nothing like the cold flame of passion that was sex with Kai.

"Do you want breakfast?" she asked making me absurdly think that she had poisoned the food.

"No. I'll just have coffee." I said taking out a cup and a small jar.

"Your loss."

She was stood before a large pot with steam rising from it; there was a large wooden spoon in her hand.

"Did you hear what happened last night?" she asked neutrally.

"No." I lied looking up from my cup to see her stirring the liquid. "I was busy."

"Oh I didn't realise that there were other little boys in the house for you to rape." she quipped in that same conversational tone.

"Well you always wanted a large family." I answered back clenching my fist ready.

"Oh honey. Are you really that desperate?" her tone had turned mocking.

I turned around and hit her from behind the coffee cup still in my hand. It shattered over her shoulder and her let out a grunt in surprise turning to face my with an angry pained expression.

"Going to smack me over the back of the head and rape me as well are you?" she questioned some blood seeping through the back of her top where the mug had ripped the material and skin.

"I would never rape you. You repulse me."

She slapped me hard, her palm open and her fake nails dragging against the skin of my cheek.

"You'll never touch Kai again!" she ordered, he her reaching to nurse he hurt shoulder.

"Bitch!" I shouted punching her to the ground. How dare she think she can tell me what to do! How dare she think she can keep me away from Kai. I kicked her, "Bitch! You can't keep us apart!"

She coughed, blood smeared at the corner of her mouth like lipstick. I kicked her again and again until I felt her grab my foot and roll knocking me backwards and slamming my head into the kitchen tiles.

I reached backwards to feel my head but she was on my slapping and scratching before I had the chance. My ears were ringing; I could barely make out a thing that she said.

After a while she backed off and stood up. Watching me warily as I did the same.

"Why are you trying to keep me from him?" I breathed out. "It would be easier for everybody involved if you just let me have him."

"Fuck you."

I lunged forward at her. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to rip her apart limb from limb.

She stopped me with a boot to the groin and a burning sensation. I tried to cover my face but it was too late. 


	19. You Don't Fool Me

Hi, I am sorry that this is late and I am sorry if it is a bit crap I have been quite ill. I do hope to update again quite soon though so I guess stay tuned and thanks for being patient.

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!

Note: this chapter is from Max's POV. I'm sorry if it is a little scatty. I'd like to thank a Queen song for the title.

Chapter 14 You Don't Fool me

The ambulance is at your house again; how many times must they visit before you have killed us all and how do they all love you for it?

You have them all fooled. But not me; you don't fool me; not with those pretty eyes not with that sexy smile; not at all.

The day you arrived was nothing significant to me. Your presence didn't even affect me directly for nearly a year. We didn't travel in the same circles and although we lived down the same street we kept very different company.

For the most part the only thing that changed after you arrived was the atmosphere. The moment you opened were removed from that car and handed over to Tala's family a dark cloud appeared over the street and even in the summer sun nothing was quite as bright again.

Then you came out among us, you separated the men from the boys. You separated our fathers from our families leaving our mothers widows and us practical orphans when all our mothers could do was cry and curse you. I was lucky, my parents were already divorced but others weren't and I cried for my friends and their grief.

You hurt them all and they still loved you. Why?

It was like you had alien mind control powers. It was like the pied piper luring away the children. After our fathers were gone you came back for us.

I was innocent then. I was one of the boys and he was too. We were innocent to you then but still I wasn't fooled. There was no fun in you; no interested in the childish games the rest of us loved. Like a black whole you dragged more and more of us into your selfish misery.

Still I was cheerful. I still had him.

Then you changed things at school. Word travelled fast and the older boys decided to take a stand against the 'homo' in their midst. Most of us didn't know what a 'homo' was. You left with them; dragged off into the boy's bathroom at the beginning of lunch and none of us dared to come close. When they left they were doing up their flies and looking smug; they never bothered you violently again and even defended you against some of the more butch girls. Not that you needed it; I saw you the day you hit Mariah. She had a black eye for over a week.

Even teachers loved you leering at you suggestively over their desks and making jokes about keeping you after class and extra credit. And without sexual knowledge we had no clue why. Even with sexual knowledge I can't place together how you made them act like that; how you still make them act like that. You are a boy; a young boy and not everyone is gay!

But I drew the line when it got personal. I didn't care that our fathers loved you, that the teachers loved you, that my classmates loved you, I didn't even care that you hit girls; the only thing that I cared about was that you stole him. That you stole Tyson.

I thought that he was like me. I thought that he hadn't been taken in by whatever it was you offered the rest of them; that he saw through your adult games and lies…when really he was just oblivious. On my most innocent day I would have known that you were bad news. Not him. Not Tyson.

Is that what interested you? That he wasn't affected? He didn't avoid you like I did and didn't have the childish love that I did to make him immune to your charm.

He used to pretend to be happy and play like a child then you rode in like a knight in shining armour and killed his ogre of an uncle. I had watched him suffer for years at the hands of that beast; had to stand idly by as he was beaten black and blue by the man who was supposed to love him like a son. Then you swoop in and just kill him. Murder is against the law and you even got away with that! He told me all about it and how he loved you then, it was all he could talk about and it killed me.

I won't even pretend to believe that you are capable of love, I'm young and naïve but not stupid. My parents are divorced so I know that love can die and that sometimes it just doesn't exist.

I tried to warn him about you;  
"Tyson he's with everyone on the street; he doesn't love you or anyone."

"No Max you're wrong. He might not love me but he has to be capable, he's really deep I can tell. He has really deep eyes."

"His eyes are red."

Red eyes I mean come on that says it all right?

"His eyes are beautiful. He could have a million clients and lovers but it wouldn't change what I feel."

And as if to taunt me you took your little fling out into the open. Kissing him in the street in front of the world. Using him all as a show to make me and your other lover jealous. I know that you knew I was watching just as Tala was. You are not human.

Tala was your real lover. Anyone with eyes could tell who you preferred even Tyson knew that. But he loved you so much and you treated him so badly. You wouldn't even touch him unless you knew that either me or Tala were there to watch.

All of that could have been forgiven however had you not set up his poor Aunt. He will never get over dragging that poor woman's name through the mud. They placed her in police custody and sent him away to where he is finally happy and away from you. He writes to me and phones me all the time. 

He has finally stopped having nightmares about what he did. His guilty conscious ate away at him 'til he halved in weight and stopped smiling. They sent him to a 'recovery centre' for therapy usually reserved for suicide attempts. He's still waiting for you to contact him. But he asks about you less; I think that he and one of the anorexics are starting something that will hopefully clear him from the rest of your influence. (her name is Hilary and she is thankfully nothing like you.)

I find it offensive that you could ruin his life so easily and not even think twice about it. You have killed and set up people he loves, you have lead him on and done nothing to deserve the unconditional loyalty he has given you. You have ruined more than you could ever have fixed with your one good deed and you continue to flaunt your relationship with Tala.

The ambulance is outside you house and they are putting your step-father in it. You watch it from the doorway with no emotion on your face.

Why do they love you like they do? It makes no sense.

How could you have fooled them so easily? And why don't you smile at your victory?

Remember this; not everyone loves you, I stand testament to that and I am not alone. There are people out there, we will not suffer this to last much longer and we will avenge our parents and friends.

You don't fool us. And we will have our revenge. 


	20. Play Dead

Thank you kindly for all the reviews and sorry if this chapter is late.

Note; The Chapter starts with another fash back and themn goes to tala. As for the flash backs there will be a rather large one next chapter that will hopefully answer some questions.

PS; this has nothing to do with anything but if anyone is in London get tickets to Dangerous Liasons the Ballet with Adam Cooper it is one of the hottest things that you will ever see.

Chapter 20 Play Dead.

Two Chinese boys sat wasting time between training whispering rapidly to each other in there own language unaware of the desperate red eyes locked on them from the far corner.

"He will not talk to me." Rei complained.

"Maybe he doesn't like you." the other one, the one called Lee answered.

"He does too…he just."

"What do you call him?"

"Nothing."

"He's got no name still?"

"The German group cal him Kaiser."

"Why?"

"They said that it means 'King' and that he acts like he is one."

"He does. Just because he is instructors favourite."

"That's mean."

"You could call him 'Kai' for short."

"Kai…"

The red eyed boy turned and retreated into the shadows leaving the two whisperers to themselves.

My name is Tala Ivanov and I am still young. Still at fifteen years old I am so much older than I should be. I don't know if I should thank Kai or blame him; Maybe both. Three years with him has aged me sometimes beyond my own recognition; I know that my mother finds it difficult; I know that my old friends have given me up for dead; I know that Kai is all I have left, so why are my feelings for him do difficult to hold on to? Why are they so turbulent and ever changing?

I miss the way things were in the beginning. When my mother was happy and my father was not in hospital; when there was nothing to blame on Kai; when I didn't feel like such a traitor for loving him or wanting to be with him. Why did things have to change like that?

Sometimes I wish that Kai had never shown up. I would still be a child having fun and playing games…maybe I would have started to like girls…or nicer boys; people who wouldn't move in and rip my family apart from the inside.

My father will be fine for the most part; his burns were mostly superficial. My mother is being treated for shock. I feel like I should be too. After I heard the screams I couldn't stay away; I thought that my dad was doing something to my mum, something like what he did to Kai. The image I was presented with was quite different. My mother was standing over my fathers' body screaming, the water was still bubbling around him, the steam coming from his skin and clothes seemed too absurd to be real. I didn't even think to call the ambulance until Kai placed the phone in my hand. When I realised what was happening I started to cry, every bad thought I'd had towards my father disappeared and all I wanted was for him to be ok.

The ambulance took ten minutes. Kai told me that due to the state of his wounds he would have to make himself scarce he began to walk out then stopped and whispered something to my father. I didn't want to know what, I didn't want anything to do with it anymore, I was sick of the lies and schemes…I was sick of Kai.

I left with mum and dad in the ambulance and stayed was long as I could. They told me that they had called my aunt to take care of me and I thanked them and went home, I was old enough to leave on my own.

When I got there my aunt hadn't arrived yet. Part of me wanted her comfort and part on me wanted her to just run away so that she would never have to meet Kai and suffer through all that he entailed.

The first thing that I noticed when I entered the house was that it no longer smelt like burnt flesh, (A mixture of hot rubber and pork) Kai must have opened a few windows and tried to air the place out while we were gone. I looked for him in the living room and upstairs hoping that I would not have to venture into the kitchen. I should have known that he would be there he seemed to feed off our suffering like a leech.

"Kai!" I called hoping that he would come out I was reluctant to cross the threshold. He didn't answer. "Kai!" I tried again.

It was late evening and our windows faced west he was like water colour on paper too insubstantial to be real. It was painful how beautiful he could look without even facing me; he was so inhuman that I wondered why we even tried to control him. The sunlight that surrounded him seemed left a gold outline around his pleasing body.

I hate myself that he still affects me the way he does; that I can still find him beautiful after everything he's done. I hate myself that I want to kiss him and take him and claim him as my own all over again.

He turned towards me and only then did I remember the swelling and the bruises and everything else that was wrong. I wondered if we had been lucky or unlucky to get him; I wondered if I would trade this for my family's happiness.

"Do you hate us Kai?" I hadn't meant to say it but I did not regret that it came out.

His lips quirked in answer but no words came out, he was mocking me; mocking us and our stupidity. A cloud passed and the room became shaded.

"Do you hate us? What are we to you? What are you? Who are you?" the questions would not stop coming.

The sun came again and he went from tired child to god.

"What does hurting us get you? Do you enjoy it?"

He said nothing and was nothing; no expression; no emotion; no nothing. Suddenly I was so tired of him that it hurt.

"You exhaust me!" I shouted, "What do you want from me? I'm tired. Why are you doing this?"

Still nothing and I could cry.

I looked at him then. For all that he seemed to be he was still more than I could ever dream of and yet...

"You'll get bored of me soon." It was his voice and I nearly jumped six feet into the air. "You'll get bored and then there will be nothing. I can't make you interested; I can't make you like me; I can't make anyone do anything that they didn't have it in them to do. You are naive to think that I could change things, change people that much. I am just this," he gestured running his hand down his body, "Flesh and bone and blood. You are the ones that make me more than I am."

It was a lie of course; it must have been; because he was so much more than that. Even in the frailty of his injury he looked unreal; like a doll painted to look injured. I walked forwards raising my hand to him and tipping his head back...wondering if his eyes would automatically close. His skin touching mine ignited me my boredom and confusion forgotten in a clumsy passionate kiss. I tried to push everything from my mind and forget myself in him, pushing myself onto him, knocking him backwards into the side of the sink; knocking plates as I went. I wondered if he had passion of his own of if he just bounced my own back of me; using it to control me.

I pushed him back further still noticing the uncomfortable position of his spine and the way his arms had slipped into the water of the still full sink.

We were broken apart by a gasp. It caused me to slip in the wet kitchen floor and pulling Kai with me we fell into a heap.

"Tala what the hell are you doing kissing your brother!"

My aunt had arrived. 


	21. Aunty

Thank you for the reivews.

Note: not only is this late but it is also rushed. i have been pretty busy and was worried that if i did not do this now then i might not have a chance for a while.

PS what is a C2 staff? someone has asked me to join one and i have no idea what that is.

Chapter 21 Aunty

"Have you decided yet?" asked the shorter brown haired man.

"I think I may have, the red eyed boy seems perfect." answered the purple haired man a minute smile on the edge of his lips.

"Good choice. Very good choice. Have I told you about the boys psychological reports?"

"Not anything conclusive, no."

The brown haired man rubbed his hands together with glee. "It's quite rare but I do believe…"

When Auntie caught us my childish urges took over. How could I explain what we were doing? Saying we were lovers would have just made things worse.

So instead of saying anything I just ran and decided to leave it to Kai. It was the first time I had ever wanted him to use his seemingly infectious charm.

Auntie was an intimidating lady. Tall, beautiful and Russian; she was actually my mothers cousin but we were told to call her auntie as a child and it just kind of stuck. She was even on the emergency contact forms as our aunt something I'm not sure was quite legal.

I sat on the stairs waiting for Kai. It felt like I was always waiting for Kai…sometimes it worried me how little our relationship changed.

After what felt like ten minutes but must have been less I got bored of waiting and snuck back downstairs to listen and see what was taking so long.

They were speaking softly but they were not whispering; some words were even exchanged in Russian a language I knew barely enough to get by on.

"Then you really are his aunt?" asked Kai his tone as flat as ever.

"In a manner of speaking yes. That is why we had you put here; somewhere we could keep an eye on you until the authorities lost interest."

"The family doesn't know." it wasn't a question.

"No. and we didn't expect you to do the things that you have done."

"I was trying to get your attention discretely."

"We understand that and have been rather impressed by your progress. Although on a personal note I do wish you had left the members of my family out of this."

"Are they going to extract me now then?"

"Yes. As soon as we can sort out this mess. You look terrible, is that why you had her damage him?"

"Yes. He got out of line and needed to be taught a lesson."

"How did you get her on your side?"

"Is this an interview?"

"No just curiosity. I read you file…your not good with girls."

"I used a mixture of money, pity and revenge on her husband."

"What are you doing with the boy though? Surely he has no strategic advantage."

"That was just for pleasure."

"I should make you two dinner. I will call them later and sort things out."

"Ok."

I ran upstairs and pretended that I hadn't heard anything. I was too upset to even cry and too angry to scream. What the fuck was going on! And who the fuck was Kai anyway?

I was being used and Kai could never love me; I had known that all along and yet it hurt.

What the fuck was going on?

"that he's a sociopath." the brown haired doctor finished.

"A sociopath?" asked the purple haired man.

"Yes we will have to run further tests but we are almost positive. His lack on emotional attachment, his addictive nature towards the drugs we give him, his ability to manipulate the other boys, his intelligence. This is all very exciting; we are thinking of testing his emotional attachments next."

"How do you plan on doing that?"

"We think that the Chinese boy Rei might be the answer to that. He seems the only one that could help us test our theory."

"What will you do?"

"Well…" 


	22. Remorseless

Note: Thank you for all the review and sorry again that this took so long.

Also. The chapter is almost all set in the past with a few snippets of modren day Kai at the end. please don't hate for what happens.

Chapter 22 Remorseless

He didn't drag his feet and he entered the common room; didn't slow any or look even the slightest bit indecisive. He looked like he always did; his face blank his countenance guarded.

Nobody even looked at him when he walked over to his usual companion; it was after all what happened everyday so why should they care? Anyway they had never liked Kaiser or Kai or whatever the hell people were calling him now, they only put up with him for Rei's sake. Everybody liked Rei.

Rei smiled as Kai approached him; he'd had a rough day and although he liked the other boys he never craved their company the way he did Kai's.

If there had been anything different about Kai Rei would have noticed it as the boy approached him kneeling into his bedding and searching for something.

"Hello Kai how was your day?" Rei asked. He was curious as to why Kai had been separated from the rest of the boys.

Kai sat up on his heels and looked at him. "Hard."

"Hard?" asked Rei confused.

Kai leaned forwarded and ran his blistered hand along Rei's cheek. "Do you love me Rei?"

Rei blinked. He was a child still even after all they had done. He was too young to understand the concept of romantic love. "Yes Kai, of course I love you."

Kai leaned further forward the corner of his lips caught between a smile and a grimace. "Then close your eyes," he whispered.

Rei didn't even hesitate. This was Kai after all, the same Kai that had shared his food and shelter; the same Kai that had been comforting in his silent strength.

Kai leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Rei's lips "Tell me you love me again Rei."

"I love you Kai. I love you allot."

Some of the children screamed when Rei's body hit the floor, some cried and some, like Kai, did nothing. There had already been death, too many of the boys had fallen to the cold or the training or even the trainers. But not Rei, not sweet kind Rei who always smiled and tried to help. Never Rei…

Kai stood from in front of the body and wiped his knife on the leg of his trousers before holding it out before him and daring the other boy to have a go. A few of them tried only to be held back by worried friends.

"Well done boy." came a voice from the doorway as instructor Boris entered clapping.

"Thank you sir," said Kai bowing. "What's my next assignment?

"And how did you feel when he said he loved you?" asked the doctor intrigued.

"I don't understand the question." Kai stated his voice as flatly beguiling as ever.

"What thoughts were running through your head when the boy told you of his attachment to you? Did they make you question your orders?"

"They were just words. Why would they make me question anything?"

"You made him repeat them. Why?"

"Because I was told to make him say that he loved me, he originally said the words in the wrong sequence."

"And how was it to kill him?"

"It was the same as kissing him. Are the two things very different?"

"You do understand what killing is, yes?"

"Killing is the taking of another life. Killing is taking someone out of the world and making sure that they never come back." recited Kai remembered the skeletal hand that once encased his wrist.

"And kissing?"

"Kissing is when two sets of lips touch. Maybe not always lips, in classes we were taught that kissing can be done all over the body with open and closed mouths."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"It was ok."

"The kissing or the killing?"

"Both. I think that I enjoyed both."

"He will be perfect. He is like a robot."

"Yes. We only have one cause for concern."

"Which is?"

"When he was selected we gave him a full body physical complete with X-rays and all kinds of tests."

"And?"

"There is some cranial damage to the right side of the frontal lobe."

"Which means?"

"That he suffered some pretty serious head trauma when he was a young child. We believe that the trauma is what activated some of his sociopath tendencies… although we can't be one hundred percent sure all the research on the subject at the moment is unproven."

"Why is how he got the condition important?"

"Because in such cases it becomes harder to predict the reactions and symptoms of the patient. I am just warning you that he could unstable."

"Are you saying that we can't use him?"

"I'm saying use him but be careful."

Kai sat at the kitchen fingering the scar just above his hairline. He sometimes had flashed of memory, a glimpse of his mothers face as she swore the heavy bearing of customer's hands as the pawed at his childish clothes. Today it was the scar.

Her legs were flailing and kicking everything in sight, her screams were ringing through the paper thin whore house walls.

Kai sat and watched and cried as the man tossed his mother about the room shouting and cursing and ripping at her clothes.

"You fucking slut. You fucking slut!" he chanted until he finally lost his patience and pulled her to the floor.

When the man had finished with his mother he walked over to him with curiosity. "Who the fuck is this?"

"Your son you bastard!" she had laughed, "Your fucking son!"

"My son?" he had asked his voice shocked.

His mother was laughing hysterically now. "Yeah. You want him you can take the little shit. He barely pays for his own food at the moment. Even sick punters don't want them that young."

"Whore." he shouted picking Kai up and staring at him. "And you little mistake, you shouldn't be here."

There had been a crack and a soft squelching sound as Kai crashed into the wall and a soft slipping thud as he hit the floor. He didn't really remember much after that.

Kai ran his finger over his butter knife and waited for Tala's aunty to be done with dinner. He was hungry and impatient to be extracted.

He hadn't seen Tala in hours. He wondered if it mattered. 


	23. Kai'

note: sorry this is really late and probably really crap as well. It aslo takes a while to get going.

Thank you to the people who reviewed.

This chapter is from Kai's POV

Chapter 23 'Kai'

I'm empty. 

I don't have a name but they call me Kai and I'm empty.

If I am honest I don't ever remember feeling much of anything; except maybe sexual pleasure and even that is fleeting.

From what I can remember where I come it is cold and the people are colder. And when I say where I come from I don't mean the country I mean the brothel.

At the brothel things were simple and people generally kept to themselves. Sometimes people fought over customers but usually they just existed. I don't remember much from those days except that I was very young and the only child there.

My mother was an angry woman. I had been the child of rape and she had been too poor and too religious to have me aborted. I was mostly left to fend for myself and the moment I was old enough I took on customers to help me pay my way. It was painful but the money bought me a little peace from mother and that was good.

Mother had her good days and bad but soon it became obvious that she was sick. The brothel threw us out; who needs whore's that can't tale customers and we were left to fend for ourselves.

Without a place to live her condition deteriorated quickly. When she was awake she would scream in pain and curse me; when she was asleep she was peaceful. She looked like death and I realised what I had to do.

One day when she was asleep I left and swapped some favours for drugs. I had been getting to know that gangs. I was young but I had been taught skill so I got what I needed. I poured all of it down my mothers throat and sat beside her holding her hand. She died and never let go.

When the men came and took me I was nearly dead. They told me lies, said that they were taking me to a new family. They might as well have told me the truth for all I cared I would have gone anyway.

The travelling was like the brothel. The other boys all cried and whined; but I knew a better way. I co-operated and managed to keep myself in the men's favour. They were not nice to me but they never stabbed me or hurt me too badly.

Then there was the boat and Rei. Rei was the only other person not crying and although I never understood a word he was saying it became obvious that he understood as much as I did.

All the other kids fought them. They men would come and always choose the few that looked the least willing. When I was chosen they seemed almost disappointed by my lack of struggle; Rei did the same and aside from the hunger we both got through the journey relatively unharmed.

I found the training centre interesting. I was the first glimpse that I had ever had of a future or even an educational facility. They taught me things and I could ignore the others whining as long as I was getting something from it. They taught me more of sex and pleasure; they taught me languages an writing; they taught me how to fight and manipulate and later when they were sure of me they taught me to kill. I was too smart to ask why; I'd seen what they did too nosey children.

When they thought that I was ready the dangled something intriguing in front of me and offered me a deal. They would give me a new job, a new life…but only if they could test me first. Prove that I was worthy of their trust. I expected it to be sex, sex did seem to be all anyone ever wanted. Instead they asked me to kill Rei.

It was strange the way they wanted it done; I had to make him say that he loved me before I could kill him. I suppose it was all about loyalty. They need not have worried. Why wouldn't I kill someone just because they made such a random useless comment. I mean what was that really supposed to mean anyway?

With Rei dead was trusted. They set me up for what they called a mission. I had been originally meant for prostitution but now I was meant for more subtle things. I was supposed to use people, kill them or seduce them for information and anything else that could come in handy.

I relished the work and managed to be quite good at it. I was the dirty secret of important men who couldn't keep their trousers on or their mouths shut.

The company was proud of me and decided on more advanced stakes. They provided me with an English passport and a guardian and sent me into London Heathrow. I would never find out what my mission was because my idiot guardian fucked it up.

The rest is boring. I got caught by the authorities and labelled a victim. They pulled me through the system and set me up with a foster family.

That was when I met Tala. I find Tala very confusing. He is a very attractive boy who can't stop telling me that he loves me…even when he is trying to physically hurt me or even kill me. He becomes angry when I see other men but does not ask me to stop fucking them…and he makes me painfully aware from day to day just how dead I am inside.

When I first kissed him it was experimental. And the second time I was just, I suppose as close to angry as I get. Maybe frustrated is a better word. I had been thrown in a situation I was in no way equipped to deal with. How could I just eat sleep and go to school after all that had happened?

So I used them and made it like a job. I fucked them for pocket money and attention and even leeway in certain things. Then when fucking them wasn't enough I started to kill them. Tyson's father wasn't so out of line that I couldn't put him back without having to kill him. I just wanted to know if I could still get away with murder…and see if I could make that boy Tyson want me as well. It is always about the challenge.

I am not a nice person. I am not stupid and since they taught me to read I have done it a great deal, reading books teaches you to read people. I knew that I could make Tala's dad want me after I found the copy of Lolita under his bed, I knew that I could make Tala's mum like me after I found the hidden issues of Strangers In Paradise. But Tala was still a mystery. He read nothing that school didn't give him and his behaviour remained un predictable.

I started to experiment with him. I could see how strong his feelings ran and it confused me. I started hurting him on purpose just to see how deep I could make him hurt. I started pushing him just to see how hard he would push back.

I have an addictive personality. I have been addicted to smoking since I tried my first cigarette, I have drank heavily since I tried my first drink, I am addicted to sex, I am addicted to violence, I am even addicted to controlling people and the way it makes me feel. All of these things make me feel the way Tala makes me feel, because in me now Tala is connected to all of these things.

I think in some ways that I am addicted to Tala. It would explain how I reacted when his father tried to split us up and it would explain why I fought so hard to stay in that stupid house when really it might have been better to let the police remove me.

I should come clean however that it wasn't just Tala that made me stay. I had caused allot of trouble attempting to get my employers attention. Why build a big bonfire in the hopes of getting rescued and then move islands the moment you hear a plane in the distance.

When the 'Aunt' showed up I think that I was glad. Back to work seemed allot more attractive than dealing with the messy trail that I was beginning to leave. I was naïve to think that they would let me back to work with out testing me again.

I have been told that I have to kill Tala. What a fitting way to end my stay. 


	24. In death

Thank you for reading and reviewing and sorry this took so long. I can't stop watching Adevnt Children

Note/ Contains death. this chapter is from Max's point of view with some bits o police interviews. max's POV is looking back from the future.

Chapter 24 In Death

"We need to know the exact specifics, how did you find the body?"

Max shrank away from the police officers around the table and felt as his mother tightened her arm around his shoulders.

"Let me try again. Lets start from the beginning. What were you doing in the house…"

When we were little Tala and I had been friends. I don't mean best friends, I didn't have a best friend until I met Tyson when I was eight. But still Tala and I were as close as two young children that lived down the same road could be.

Our mothers used to take us to the park together, we started nursery school together and later primary school as well. We laughed and painted and when we drew pictures of our families we always drew each other in there as well.

As we got older things happened and we drifted apart. I met Tyson and Tala…well Tala was always a popular boy, until Kai came along anyway…

Still, even though we weren't close anymore didn't mean I wasn't upset about the way his family and life just fell apart when Kai entered it. And that day…

That day, the day I found the body, I think I had gone to that house to end it.

I wasn't going to kill Kai. I mean I thought I was at the time but I have never even seen a dead body and I just don't think that I have that kind of thing in me. I couldn't even get up in front of everyone and sing karaoke at Tysons last birthday, let alone stand up in court and convince a court full of people that Kai was evil and had to be stopped. (Not that I'm shy, I just don't perform well to large crowds…verbally I mean)

Nobody answered when I knocked but the door was open so I let myself in. I'd seen a woman that I think was Tala's aunty leave in a hurry only moments before, without even bothering to close the door after her. I wondered what Kai had done to make her run away like that. It had to be Kai; after all it always was.

When I walked inside the house was like something out of a horror movie. All quiet and still, you could almost smell something different in the air. I searched the downstairs carefully, almost expecting a psycho killer to jump out at me any time.

The stairs creaked as I climbed them causing my heart to leap into my throat and choke me. I was so scared, even though nothing had really happened to make me that way.

At this point I was still planning to kill Kai. Which was stupid considering I had no weapon or plan on exactly how it would happen.

I didn't know which room Kai was staying so I checked all of them. Wondering how I would even know which was his if the house was empty and what I would do if I found it.

The last room I checked was Tala's. It had been his since we were children and I had always been jealous of the size (They had knocked down the wall between the front bedroom and the box room.)

The body lay at the far wall and even before reached it I knew that it was dead. Everyone describes death as different things but I found it smelly. They never mention that in books or films, they never explain just how much blood can smell even before it has dried. The body had not been dead for long.

I am not ashamed to admit that I vomited until my throat felt like it had swollen to twice it's size and been scratched with sandpaper. I crawled towards the body more to get away from my sick more than anything else. I was becoming used to the smell and was overtaken by morbid fascination.

In death I realised I could see all the things about him that I couldn't see in life. His skin was pale like the moon and looked as fragile as wet paper, his lips plumper than most boys but still masculine, his eyes were like glass more crimson than the blood staining the wall behind his head.

In death I could see every inch of Kai's beauty that I had missed in life and part of me mourned him then and still does. Imagine a perfect porcelain doll cracked and slumped boneless against the wall, glued in place with red ink. There was such intense beauty in his desolation that I lost myself in him, in the dark bruises that stained his face to the flakes of dried blood that clung to his hair.

I just sat and watched him until the noises from the street below woke me. Then I called and ambulance and when they said they would be half an hour I called Dr Green as well. I don't know why I bothered, except that I didn't want to be alone with it any more.

I wondered where Tala was.

"And he was dead when you reached the scene?"

"Yes. I did try some basic resuscitation but it was far to late. I called the death and waited with young Max for the ambulance to come and take the body."

"Did you try to stop the bleeding?"

"By the time I had gotten there his heart had already stopped and been stopped for some time. There was no need to do much."

"Did 'Max' say anything while you waited that would lead you to believe he knew anything further about the case?"

"We didn't really speak. He was suffering from mild shock."

When Dr Green had seen the body he collapsed. His knee's just could seem to hold his weight and then he was crying.

I had forgotten that he was one of Kai's men. I had forgotten almost everything except the almost smile on Kai's dead face.

Sometimes that face still haunts me. My wife will look at me in bed and her face will be his, my child will smile at a joke and then…

Kai cursed us all with his life and his death. Dr Green killed himself less than a week later. 


	25. And I Don't Know How To Let You GO

Note: thank you for the reviews this thing is over now. The beginning and end are set in the future.

Please enjoy and review. (I had a better version but my stupid computer wiped it.)

Chapter 25 And I Don't Know How To Let You Go

The ringless hand moved back and forth stroking the mans shockingly red hair from his face. He checked his watch, soon it would be over time and he would have to charge the guy extra. It was not that he minded the extra time and money, just that his leg was beginning to cramp and the guy didn't look like he'd be done crying any time soon.

The red haired mumbled something again and the boy shrugged. "You'll have to speak up I couldn't hear you."

"I said, you really remind me of him." said the red haired man with surprising clarity considering the tears still streaming down his face. "It's like a wonderful torture that I could find someone so like him."

"Like who?" maybe if he got the guy talking he could pull and all nighter he didn't usually mind his job but it was raining outside and he hated walking the streets in the rain. So this guy was a little weird, at least he seemed harmless.

They'd met only two hours before. He had been walking his usual patch (It had only been light drizzle at that point) and he had been approached by the beautiful red haired man (the man couldn't have been more than thirty). The man had stared at him for a while and then offered him what ever money he wanted to come back to his flat. He had said no, he was not stupid enough to go back to some strangers flat and in the end they had decided on a nearby travel Inn.

Things had started off normally. They had fucked; the red haired man surprisingly violent; but he gave as good as he got and had a passion for it that was almost infectious. The only problem was the air of unstable emotion that the man seemed to carry around with him, it left an element intensity that he was not sure he was comfortable with.

"Like my lover…my ex-lover." the red haired man said after a long pause lifting himself into a sitting position and wiping all of the tears from his face.

"What did he dump you." he didn't know why he sounded so harsh.

"No I killed him." sighed the red head his cold blue eyes deadly serious. "I had no choice. He was a whore like you…"

The boy his red eyes slowly and prayed that the man across from him was joking.

"Tala?" asked Kai entering the bedroom.

"I loved you." said Tala getting up. He had been waiting ducked in the shadows holding the kitchen knife he had stolen from Kai's bag. "I loved you and you…she told you to kill me and you said yes!"

"How did you know?" he didn't even sound ashamed.

"I heard you talking. I was sitting on the stairs."

"Then you know that you are going to have to use that." said Kai pointing at the knife.

"I just…"

"If you don't kill me I am going to kill you."

Tala flew across the room and smacked Kai in the chest his empty fist. "How could you do that? How? I loved you! I loved you more than anything and you! YOU BASTARD! I can't…I knew that you didn't love me…I knew it I just…You didn't even care about me did you? YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT!"

"I don't care. I never loved you. I have never loved anyone one in my life so pick up the knife and do it."

"What? Asked Tala his eyes wet and his nerves shot. "What did you say."

"Do it." said Kai so low it was almost a whisper, "Just do it."

Tala shivered the voice was cold and still somewhat sexual. What was Kai asking him to do?

Kai took Tala's hand and lifted the knife placing the point on his chest. "Kill me Tala. Kill me like you want to."

Tala jerked back the knife grazing Kai's chest and drawing blood. "NO! No I…I love you…I…I don't want to die…I just I can't imagine life without you. I don't want to…"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU! I used you, I played with you, I cheated on you, I screwed your father and manipulated your mother and now they are both in hospital! I agreed to kill you! What more does it take? Just do it! End this. You're stupid not to have done this ages ago."

Tala blinked sending tears down his cheeks. "No. I don't care…no…"

The was a smack as Kai slapped Tala hard. "And what if I lied and said I loved you? Would you do it then?"

"No. please for gods sake Kai stop it."

"One of us has to die" argued Kai annoyed pulling Tala's arm back up and using it to plunge the tip of the blade into his skin.

"I won't do it. You'll have to push it all in yourself. I don't care if you kill me now. I won't kill you."

Kai pushed the knife in further. "Your father was a better fuck than you anyway."

Tala jumped and without thinking lashed out. "You bastard!"

Tala jumped back when he realised what he had done, "No." he whispered.

"Tala." Kai's breathing was laboured his face looked lighter than Tala had ever seen it. "Get rid of the knife…aunt… your aunt can drive you to the…the…hospital. Say that you were there…all…day…"

"No Kai…shit…no…"

"Promise…promise you will do that."

"I promise. I love you Kai."

"I don't…"

Tala wanted to shake Kai and wake him up, or kiss him like in the fairy tales…or something. But he was shocked to find that he was too afraid to touch the body. Too afraid that it was still warm…too afraid of all the blood.

"He's dead."

"I…he…yes."

"You didn't need me after all."

"No…thank you Max…I don't…"

"I should call an ambulance."

"Call the police."

"Not until you do what he said. Get rid of the knife, go to the hospital."

"What about you? I'll think of something…I'll call doctor Green."

"Max your shaking."

"Then hurry."

"I…"

"Go."

"I had invited Max for backup, I didn't think I could take Kai on my own and Max…well Max had always hated him. And we had been friends, before. The police had a field day with the body, so many bruises and cuts and scars. At one point I think that they had wanted to arrest every man in the neighbourhood…but without a witness or a victim…

"In the end the blamed my aunt, who escaped and was never heard from again.

"My parents stayed together. My father was covered with scars and my mother never got over the guilt.

"And me? I loved him. I loved him and I have never loved anyone since, he ruined me. His last big fuck you I suppose. I wish it had a happier ending…"

Tala stood and cleaned up the room a little closing the boys red eyes.

"…But I don't think that it matters to you now anyway."

I love you Kai.

The End. 


End file.
